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Finn’s purr adds to mine, and I keep my hand on her back in a steady, soothing rhythm. Her eyes close, and her breathing evens out. In her sleep, her scent becomes so sweet it smells as if I’m standing in the middle of a raspberry patch on a warm summer afternoon. It mixes with Finn’s woodsy cabin air and the orange cloves of my scent.
It smells like a pack.Something I didn’t think I would ever have.
Finn’s eyes meet mine. I lean in and brush my lips against his. It’s an acknowledgment of the fragile new bonds we’re tending and the rightness of having Cammie here with us.
“Good night, love,” I whisper against his lips.
He settles back down, his breath and Cammie’s twins on my chest. But it’s a long time before I want to close my eyes. This is too good to miss a single minute.
Chapter 13
Cammie
Isit up in bed when I hear Waffle’s collar jingling down the hall. He’s following Ben, no doubt. The golden retriever has been the kids’ shadow if they’re in the house.
Like every morning this week, Ben brings in a tray of breakfast. He’s awkward and so endearing that I want to take a picture to remember this forever. According to Finn, Ben asked for the responsibility, and he takes it very seriously.
Ben apologized to me for the things he said during our fight the morning I got sick, but he’s been quiet ever since our talk at the hospital when I told him that I wanted to come here.
It was the best decision. These men have been wonderful to my kids and me. And being here means I’ve actually gotten to rest. But I think Ben got mad all over again. Maybe his silence means he took to heart the idea that some words can’t be undone, so they must be chosen wisely. Or perhaps this new version of Ben will be angry forever.
It makes sense to me why he has reservations. I did, before staying here. It’s hard to keep hope alive. And Finn and Reid’s promises are so big it seems like they couldn’t possibly be real. Ben’s whole world got turned around with mine when his dad left. Being jaded and angry is much easier than being lost and hurt.
I’ve had a lot of time to think in between all this rest, and I’ve realized that if I plan on keeping that inner light in my kids, I have to rekindle my own.
“Morning, bud. You and Reid get your homework done last night?” I ask.
Even though I’m only finally starting to feel better, I also feel guilty for how out of it I’ve been during this flu. I’ve never been so sick as an adult, but I think it’s from being so worn down. I needed their help, even if I didn’t want to admit it.
Ben sets the tray on the bed over my lap with only one minor fumble. It’s eggs and avocado toast this morning, with juice and a watercolor painting of flowers made by Emmaline. The way the guys are spoiling me is unreal. I don’t think a lifetime would be enough to get used to it.
Ben grunts in response and fidgets at the side of the bed instead of making a run for it like usual.
I eye him as I take my first bite. “It’s delicious. Thank you. Now, what’s up?”
“Nothing.” He looks away from me and asks in a rush, “Do we still have my glove at the house?”
The question freezes time and makes my heart race. We haven’t spoken about baseball at all since the day I had to tell him we were moving. I’ve tried, but it’s been an absolute wall of silence. When we moved, I asked him if he wanted to find a team, and he told me he didn’t want to play baseball anymore. Since then, the subject has been off-limits.
I swallow and set the fork back down, choosing my words carefully. “It’s in your bat bag in my closet.”
He nods, sharp and quick.
“Do you want Reid or Finn to take you to get it?”
He glances my way and I school my face. A thousand emotions run through me all at once. But the most prominent one is a sense of relief.
“Maybe.” He shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. Reid said we could throw the ball around.”
It’s the biggest deal. So big I want to cry and ruin the moment with my big-alligator-mom-tears. “That sounds good,” I manage instead.
“Yeah. Okay.” He turns and hurries from the room.
I call behind him, “Have a good day at school.”
I sit stunned. A few minutes later, I hear Finn and Reid rounding the kids up to get them to school. The door closes with “Bye, baby,” and “Be right back, sweetheart,” and “Love you, Mom.”
At the sound of the lock, I burst into tears, and this time I don’t give myself a time limit.
