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Couples. I’m part of a couple. I’m in a couple with Millie Jacobson, and not just a couple of people. It blows my mind.
I jokingly told Nancy that I wish she and her husband, Marty, would adopt me and be my parents after she invited Millie and I to come over for dinner. As amazing as Nancy is at the office, she’s so much more when she’s in her element. Marty brings out a whole new side of her. It’s nice to see a healthy relationship that isn’t Dan and Norah Jacobson. It amazes me that they aren’t as rare of a relationship as I grew up thinking. Nancy and Marty have been together since they were twenty and raised their children in seven different states. I could never imagine my parents doing that. They weren’t able to even live in the same city their entire marriage.
Last Wednesday Marty asked if I like fishing. When I told him I’d never been fishing, he told me that he would teach me. We’re going on Saturday before the sun comes up, which means we will make it back in time for my first official game as assistant coach to the Ridgeview Hawks baseball team.
With everything going so great in my life right now, it’s hard to understand this lump that seems to be lodged in my throat as I sit in my car avoiding going into my mom’s house. I know I have about 3.5 seconds before she notices my car sitting here and she or my little sister come charging out to retrieve me. Rosie is home for a long weekend, and Mom insisted on a family dinner. Just the four of us. I tried to convince Millie to come with me, but she told me that this is family time. It might also be because we still haven’t told our families about us. Sure, Danny and Ashleigh know, and I’m pretty sure Maeley and Rosie know. They at least suspect.
Millie and I had both agreed that telling our families officially needs to happen after we talk with Ben and Jon, but we’re both cowards when it comes to telling them, so here we are still keeping a giant secret. Coward might be too strong of a word, at least when it comes to Millie. I’ll fully claim my cowardice.
Over the years, Ben has berated Millie for some of the most ridiculous things. When we were kids, Jon and Millie were in a play and weren’t old enough for our parents to let them walk home alone so Ben and I were asked to stop by the elementary school and walk with them. It wasn’t a big deal, but Ben made it seem like Millie had gone out of her way to make his life harder. I never understood why he was so hard on her. Even at Jacobson family dinners I’ve been to since I moved back to town, it doesn’t make sense why he is so combative with her.
I don’t blame her for being gun-shy when it comes to telling him we are dating. If I was her, I would be timid to share things with him too. I know he’ll be mad at me, but he’ll get over it. He always does. It was one of those things he put into our “Best Friend Code” when we were in middle school. “Always forgive the other person.” At the time I figured it was because we had been in an argument about something happening on our baseball team. I will give him credit for holding his end of that contract nearly twenty years later. As unfair as it is, I’m not so sure he’ll forgive Millie as easily even if she is his sister.
Ben’s relationship with his siblings is hard to explain, mostly because I don’t understand it. Things are even harder to understand since I’ve been away for so long and he married Belinda. She’s definitely a sore subject when you talk with the family as a whole. She doesn’t like them and looks for any excuse to avoid family events, which doesn’t sit well with a family that does literally everything together.
Add in my family relationship dynamics, and it’s a wonder Millie and I are doing as well as we are. I know she’s stressed, and I wish I could take that away from her. I wish I could promise her that everything was going to work out and that everyone was going to be as happy as we are about us. That’s the biggest thing holding me back: I’m happy. For the first time in my life, I have hope that I could actually not only be in a relationship but build a life with someone, have a family of my own. If you would have told me six months ago that moving back to Ridgeview would be the best decision of my life, I would have told you you were crazy. Now I wonder why I didn’t move back sooner. Or even why I ever left.
Headlights beam behind me as Jon pulls his car up the drive and parks behind me. It’s time to face the music, or I guess in this case, the performing arts teacher.
“What are you doing sitting in the driveway?” Jon looks at me inquisitively. A look that reminds me so much of our father that I almost want to smack him right here and there.
I relax my fist; it’s not his fault we share DNA with the man. Nor is it his fault that I have the relationship with our father that we have. Jon never sought Dad’s approval like I did. He’s always had a confidence that I have equally admired and resented. It’s probably why it was so easy to push away from him when I left. Can’t envy something you don’t realize you’re missing.
“Just pulled in right before you.” Jon’s eyebrows quirk, and I know my excuse is flimsy. I can see the water under my car from my air conditioner just as much as he can, but he doesn’t push any further.
“Help me carry in dinner?” he asks while opening his back door.
“I thought Mom was cooking?”
“She was going to. That’s why I volunteered to pick something up.” There’s a hint of amusement in his voice.
“Good call.” I grab a couple of the bags. “I could have bought dinner.”
Jon’s annoyance is evident. “It’s not a big deal. I can buy dinner.”
“I never said you couldn’t.”
“No, you just implied it,” Jon says bitterly. “You always do this.”
“Always do what?” I ask, confused.
“Assume you’re the only one who can take care of this family. It wasn’t your job when we were kids, and it isn’t your job now.” His words cut right through me.
“I didn’t mean to offend!” I didn’t, but I can see how it might have come across like that. “I just meant—thank you.” It’s not much, but it’s something.
“Thank you?”
“Yeah. Thank you for picking up dinner. You probably saved all of us from food poisoning.” The air is stagnant with an unspoken tension that is always present when my brother and I are alone. We stand there at a standstill just looking at each other holding bags of food. Now would be the perfect time to open up to my brother about how much I would change if I could go back and how I wish our relationship was different, but I can’t seem to make myself be that open. Not sitting in our mother’s driveway.
“There you two are!” Mom calls from the front door. “Get in here so we can eat and catch up!”
We both turn towards the walkway, and I take a step back, letting Jon go first. I take a big breath and let it out slowly. This would be so much easier if Millie were here. She calms me better than any breathing technique ever could.
“Where do you want these?” I motion to the bags in my hand as I enter the dining room.
“Oh, anywhere.” Mom waves her arms. “I just can’t believe I finally get all three of you under one roof at the same time!” Her voice cracks, and her eyes are misty.
Rosie rolls her eyes. “You act as if you don’t see us all the time.”
