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At the sound of Jonathan’s voice, I about jump out of my skin. I was full on asleep on my couch, laying on Mark’s chest with his arm around me.
“Jonathan! It’s not what it looks like!” I exclaim.
“It looks like you’re asleep with my brother!” Jonathan fumes.
“Well, technically that’s true, but that’s not what happened,” I try to explain. I look to Mark for back up.
“We fell asleep watching a movie, Jon. That’s it.” His voice is calm and steady.
“Why were you even on the couch to begin with?!” Jonathan is still breathing fire.
“We went to breakfast,” Mark explains.
“Like on a date?” Jonathan’s eyes are shooting lasers.
“No!” I protest before Mark can say anything else. “We’re just friends that went to breakfast together and then came back and fell asleep watching a movie. It’s nothing.”
“Is that true?” Jonathan directs this question to Mark.
“Yeah. It’s true.” I can hear the hurt in Mark’s voice. There’s so much more than that, but I’m not even sure what’s fully going on to even know how to explain it to Jonathan. This could quite possibly be the start of his biggest nightmare come true, and here I am lying about it.
“I should be going,” Mark stiffens. “I have work stuff I need to get ready for tomorrow.”
Mark gives a halfhearted smile at me, pats his brother on the shoulder, and walks out the door. My eyes are stinging, but I fight back the tears. I can’t think straight right now. So much has happened tonight. This whole month really. I don’t even know how to begin to process the way my feelings have changed and grown for Mark since I first saw him in Lexington. I never would have thought that my childhood dream could come true. And now after one perfect night, I go and make a mess of it all. Whatever it all is. The look on Mark’s face and the sound of his voice will haunt me for weeks. I need sleep. And I need Jonathan to stop staring at me.
“You sure it was nothing?” Jonathan says again. His gaze is baring into me, but he softens when I don’t answer him. “Is everything okay, Mills?”
I’m so drained I don’t even answer him. I just turn and walk away.
Tori grabs my arm as I pass her. “Mills?”
“I’m tired. I need sleep,” I say with all the emotion I can muster. Down the hall and to the left. I somehow manage to get to my room. I don’t even remember sitting on my bed, but I know I must have since the next thing I know I’m opening my eyes.
I have no idea what time it is. Or even what day it is. I don’t hear anything outside my bedroom door, and it’s dark outside. I don’t even bother looking at the clock. It doesn’t matter anyway. With the way my head is throbbing, I need more sleep. I send a quick email to Sheila and tell her I will be working from home. Then I change into more comfortable clothes and get back into bed. Only this time I don’t fall right to sleep.
I keep replaying the whole weekend over and over, from the perfection of Saturday night to the disaster of Sunday morning. Every look, every glance, I analyze it all. When all else fails, I make a pro/con list with all the reasons why Mark and I would and wouldn’t work. I’m majorly sleep deprived and anxious, so the list isn’t helpful, but that doesn’t stop me from making one.
These are the times that I usually rely on Tori and Jonathan to talk me down, but that isn’t an option right now. Not when one of the biggest cons on the list is Jonathan. I’d talk to Tori, but I know she’d just tell me to talk to Jonathan. And she’d be right. That is the adult thing to do, but I don’t want to be an adult right now.
After tossing and turning for a couple hours, I finally drift into a restless sleep where my subconscious fears and trepidations take root. Weird dream after weird dream. I finally shake it off and am able to get some rest around 5:00. I faintly hear the front door open and close and know it must be Tori going for her morning run. When I wake up, it’s almost 11:00; I’ve slept all morning. I look at my phone, and there are a series of messages from Danny and Ashleigh.
Danny: Where are you? It’s not like you to be late?
Danny: Missed my iced coffee this morning. JK
Danny: Okay, seriously, where are you?
Danny: Hope everything is okay.
Ashleigh: Hey, Mills, are you okay? Do you need anything? Danny is really worried.
3 Missed Calls: Danny
Danny: Seriously, what’s going on? Where are you?
Danny: Amelia!
Ashleigh: Just text when you have a chance.
