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“Okay? I wasn’t aware of that.”
Belinda’s gaze makes my stomach churn. Pretty sure I’m about to be turned into a toad.
“You didn’t tell him?” She shifts her focus to Ben. I watch as his six-foot three-inch frame becomes putty in her hands.
“I told him, I’m sure I did.” He looks at me, and I shake my head. “I’m sorry, Dumpling.”
Dumpling? Add that to the list of things I didn’t need to know about Ben and Belinda.
“Look,” I break in, “I didn’t know. I’ll apologize.” She eyes me coolly. “And I’ll take it off.” That seems to satisfy the Evil Queen since she turns to go get Zoey from the other room.
After that whole fiasco, I suggest we take two cars, mostly because I don’t want to be in proximity to Belinda for an entire car ride. It’s bad enough that I’ll have to be at the same table at dinner. I’m overruled by everyone else. They think that two cars is ridiculous and “bad for the environment” so we end up cramming into Belinda’s sedan.
I don’t know how Ben fits into this tin can comfortably; it is way too tiny for someone as big as he is, and I’ve got a little more than an inch on him and much more muscle mass. I stifle a laugh as I think about the scene in the old Doris Day and Rock Hudson movie when he tries to fit into an old sports car. I never fully appreciated that scene until now. I also know my audience well enough to know not to share the comparison. I make a mental note to tell Millie about it next time we talk.
I swear Ben chose a restaurant way on the other side of town because it is taking way too long to get there. I’m also pretty sure my left leg is asleep. I try to talk to Zoey, but even when Belinda doesn’t answer for her, I’m bored. So far, I’ve learned that she’s not only a vegan but a raw vegan. I could ask follow-up questions, but I’m pretty sure I’m smart enough to figure it out. Not that I care to. She is also an aura cleansing therapist. Again, I don’t ask follow-ups. Once she told me she lived in a yurt at a meditation retreat camp in Oregon, I was done. I go to look at my watch to see if this night had really been as long as it feels but remember I put it in my car back at Ben’s house so that I wouldn’t lose it after I took it off. Fan-freaking-tastic.
After what feels like an eternity of Ben singing—or rather trying to sing—Billy Joel songs we finally park and start getting out of the car. I’m reminded once again how ridiculous both Ben and I must look getting out of this clown car. The night is cool, but the fresh air feels good after that car ride. Belinda had insisted that she was cold and had the heat blasting. I take a moment to stretch before making my way over to the rest of the group.
“You made sure this place was vegan, didn’t you?” Belinda hisses at Ben.
“Yes, Dumpling.” I still can’t get over that nickname. “It has a wide variety of options. It’s the best of both worlds. Something for everyone.”
Her eyes narrow on him. “More than just salads?”
“Yes. I looked at the menu online and even called and checked. They have a full vegetarian and vegan menu. That traveling cooking show you like came here and gave it 5 stars.”
With that her face relaxes, and she motions for everyone to follow as she and Ben lead the way into the restaurant.
Have to give Ben credit, this place looks nice. He really did a good job trying to find somewhere that had something for everyone. We are settling into our seats as our waiter comes to give us some menus and take our drink orders. All the insanity from earlier seems to die down, and I’m relieved.
Until Zoey opens up her menu.
If I thought her fit about my watch was insane, the amount of yelling and screaming she does about the slaughtering of innocent animals all for the sake of someone to eat them was a whole different level. She’s practically turning this nice establishment into a one-woman PETA protest. Even Belinda is embarrassed.
I can’t take anymore; I tell Ben and Belinda to meet us out by the car as I stand up and pick Zoey up. I literally have to carry her out while she has a tantrum like a three-year-old. Actually, I may not know a lot of three-year-olds, but the ones that I do have more control over their emotions and actions than this grown woman. If I wasn’t done with Ben and Belinda setting me up on blind dates before, I am now.
As I carry Zoey over my shoulder, she continues to yell rather obscene things to the poor patrons and guests. I carry her out the doors and don’t put her down until we are far away from the entrance in fear that she will charge in and continue to make a scene.
Ben and Belinda are already at the car, so I open the door and let Zoey get in. When I close the door, I shake my head, and I can’t make myself move to the other side. It is as if I am held by some invisible force to the ground.
What am I doing? I don’t want to be here. I don’t even say anything; I just turn and walk away. I don’t know where I’m going, but it’s not back in that car.
Ben yells after me, “Mark! Wait up!”
I don’t stop. He has to jog to catch up. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t know, but I can’t go back there. You can’t ask me to do that. That was the most uncalled for, most immature display I have ever seen. And I’m a lawyer. I used to defend juvenile delinquents who had more respect than Zoey just showed. How could you ever think that I would want to spend time with that?” I’m on a roll now, and it’s all coming out. “You want to know why we don’t spend as much time together?” Stop, Mark. You’re going to say something that you regret. I continue, “It’s because I can’t stand the person that you have become. Where is my friend?” The thing about word vomit is once it starts coming out you can’t make it stop. “You used to at least occasionally think about someone other than yourself. Now if it isn’t Belinda or yourself, you don’t seem to care. I told you I didn’t want to go on this date. Yet here we are because even before you asked me, you had already decided that I was coming. And is it my fault for coming? Yeah. I shouldn’t have done that, but I did. Because you are my friend. Now, you’re going to go back to your car, and you are going to take your wife and Zoey back to your house, and I am going to go back into that place of business”—I point to the restaurant—“and apologize.”
Ben is stunned and just looks at me. I know I’ve been harsh and will regret at least some of what I have said tonight. When he still says nothing, I head back towards the car, passing it as I go back into the double doors of the restaurant.
As I leave the manager’s office, I apologize yet again for how the evening had played out and promise it will never happen again. I also pay for the drinks we never received and leave a hefty tip. We shake hands, and I leave.
When the cool air hits my face, I finally take a deep breath. I don’t think I have taken a full breath all night. I pull out my phone to request an Uber back to my car. As I wait for my ride to arrive my mind is reeling. I don’t even know what time it is, but it doesn’t matter. Without a second thought, I send Millie a text.
Mark: Hey
I don’t have a minute to dwell on how lame that text is when she replies.
