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Who am I kidding, yes, I will.
“Wait.” Sudden realization dawns on Tori’s face. “Didn’t you borrow my perfect, just right, bubble gum pink heels tonight?”
I give her a sheepish look; I was really hoping she didn’t remember that tonight. “I’ll replace them, I swear!”
Amara dismisses Tori’s comment. “Shoes aside, I’m still confused about one thing.”
“What?” I try to run though all the night’s details. Did I forget something?
“Why was Mark even there?”
“That’s an excellent point!” Tori interjects. “Why was Mark Winters at this corporate event that you were attending?”
“I told you guys that he worked at the law firm in my building.” I knew I hadn’t, but maybe I could get away with this teensy-weeny little lie.
Nope. Not even a little bit.
“No, as far as we knew, the one and only time you have seen Mark Winters since he has been back in town is last weekend at your parents’ house.” Tori’s eyes narrow in on me intensely. I swear she could be a human lie detector. She must be terrifying at work.
More ice cream and junk food than I will ever admit to eating in one sitting later, I finally finish telling them about running into Mark at work on his first day and the awkward run-in in the parking garage. I talked about going to lunch. I tell them about avoiding him at my parents’ house and every day since. I tell them everything except for the part of the night when we talked about why tacos are complicated. That part seems too intimate to share.
I know deep down in my gut that neither of us were talking about tacos. I know he was insinuating what I have always wished he would, but I also meant what I said about it being complicated. I’ve always known, but since Ben’s wedding, it’s been even more obvious. I hardly saw Jonathan at the reception, but I saw his reaction to me dancing with Mark. I had brushed it aside and told him it meant nothing.
How was I supposed to know that 24 hours later Mark would be single again? I overthought the events of that night for weeks. Was I part of the reason they broke up? Who broke up with whom? Did he have feelings for me and break it off? Did she think there was something between us like Denham had? I had so many questions and no way to get answers. I had wanted Mark to want me for so long that I had to finally make myself give it up. It was a childhood fantasy. It would never be a reality. I needed to stop wishing for things to magically work out.
Needing a change in subject and all eyes off of me, I grab the remote and turned the TV on. Thankfully I find a Gilmore Girls marathon, and we are quickly off the subject of me and Mark and having a healthy debate on which of Rory’s boyfriends were the best. (Though the answer is obvious). The debate only stops when a trailer for the newest Marvel movie comes on, and we switch to arguing over which Hollywood Chris is best. (Evans, obviously.)
We all head to bed far too late. I’m going to hate the consequences in the morning, but that’s Future Millie’s problem. Tonight I am just going to go to sleep and try not to overthink every single move I’ve made or word I have said in the last 24 hours.
I’m about to turn off my light when Kiersten sticks her head in.
“For the record, I think there is something else to the whole Mark situation.”
I’m so tired, but it still catches me off guard. “What do you mean?”
She comes the rest of the way in the room and closes the door behind her. I scoot over on my bed making room for her next to me.
“From everything I’ve seen and heard over the last eight years, it’s that you have always kind of had a,” she pauses, “complicated relationship with Mark.”
There’s that word again.
“You have obviously liked him for years but don’t talk about it because of your brothers and Jonathan. I mean, I grew up with an older brother, I get it. Then add in all the things that have happened the last few years, and there is a whole new level of complicated.”
“What do you mean?” I never gave too many details about anything that happened between me and Mark the last few times we had been home at the same time. I knew Jonathan would freak out, so I didn’t tell anyone. It was safer that way.
“I think more happened that Christmas than you told us. Something happened to make you not want to go back home the next year.”
I know exactly what she is referring to. It’s a memory that lives rent free in my head.
“I didn’t go the next year because it was right after your accident.”
She puts her hand on my knee, “And I love you for it, but you didn’t want to go home long before that. If you would have, then you would have already been in California when my accident happened. You were still in Texas, Mills. You were avoiding something.”
I blink at her. Was I really that transparent? And if I was, why has no one called my bluff up until tonight?
“The next time you were both in Ridgeview was for Ben’s wedding.”
I nod.
