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His fingers slid between the folds of my labia. His desire-blackened eyes fluttered closed on a groan, gliding around my clit, putting pressure everywhere rather than just the one spot that got me there. His hand felt so much better, fuller, more complete than my own.Gus, yes. Yes. Fuck. Yes. More.I panted for him to make me come.
Then he slid one finger inside my vagina, breathing out a ragged breath. “Decca, you’re so wet. I didn’t deserve you.” His long, delicate fingers that transfigured wine and bread into the body and blood of Christ were inside me, making us holy, making us one. I almost came from the thought. And the second finger he inserted. I bit down hard on my lip, tasting blood. It was too much. Why did my body respond this…much with him? Already it was so good it practically hurt.
“Gus, please. Now.” I whimpered as he withdrew his hand and used my juices to pump his cock.
“Come for me first.”
“No, I want you.”
“I need you to give me everything tonight, Decca. Please, sweet one. Come for me.”
He circled my clit with his thumb. Where he knew I couldn’t fight against it. “Yes,” I breathed. It was already building. I was so close.
“God, yes, Decca. Open your eyes, you sweet girl. Look at me.”
I wanted to keep them closed. I usually needed them closed to focus on the pleasure. There was a bit of mind trickery I had to do with myself to come. Everything else had to fall away. No sights, no sounds. If I got distracted, the orgasm would dissipate, and I’d have to wait until it built back up again.
But I did as he said. If this was what he wanted, I’d give him everything. High on my knees, I rode his fingers as they stroked my vagina and my clit. “Don’t force yourself to come. Let it build and ride it,” he said.
I leaned against his chest, which increased the pressure of his hand.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Crow. Look at you, fucking my hand, dripping into my palm. I’m going to suck these fingers clean when you come. Drink every last drop of you.”
His words sent me into a frenzy as I rocked harder, bigger, my head jerking back in a hazing, dreamlike—
“Look at me,” he said, too calm.
“I can feel it dripping onto my pants, moistening my cock, leaking into the cuff of my shirt. Streaming out of you, so hot, then cooled by the air once it seeps into the fabric.”
My orgasm was building. I could feel it. Could he feel it?
“Yes, Crow. That’s it. Keep looking at me. Keep going. You’re going to come soon. You’re doing so well. Just give me your orgasm. Let me feel it on my fingers. Then I’ll give you my cock. Fuck, yes, I love the way your pussy flutters around my fingers.”
I heard a high-pitched noise that I was sure was coming from me, but I didn’t remember making that sound. I was so there. So high. The pressure almost too much. It needed to break soon, but it was never going to break.
“Yes, Decca. Yes. Come for me. Come for me, baby. You’re doing it. You’re so beautiful.”
Another guttural sound emitted from the back of my throat. Ugly and harsh, but it hardly mattered. I was looking into his eyes when I came with a crash. The world turned grey. I was looking at him, but I could see nothing.
I couldn’t hold myself up. I fell back onto his knees, riding his lap with Gus’s hand between us. My body was hot. So hot. I imagined I was burning the freezing night air around me with my heat.
When my vision returned. Gus was smiling at me. Kissing me tenderly. So proud to make me come. Relishing what he thought would be one of our last moments of connection.
I slumped against his chest, unable to use my arms or abs or back to hold myself upright. I wanted to sleep, but I wanted to fuck. I turned my head to the fire to watch the blaze. I wouldn’t be able to see again after staring into the flames, but the sparks floating up were so beautiful. That was my favorite part, the tiny lights ascending to just below the fingers of the leafless trees.
“That was not the right way to push you away.”
“No. It wasn’t.”
He pressed the heels of his hands over his eyes and took a deep breath before sliding his hands down to cover his face. He was still hard, but made no attempt to fuck me. I wished he would. I wanted him to fuck my body and use me for his own pleasure. He neverjust tookfrom me. And I wanted him to take.
“Oh, God. I’m sorry.”
I wanted to laugh. This was all so stupid. His goodbye. His pushing me away. All because he thought he couldn’t offer me the one thing I really wanted.That I didn’t want.
In his selflessness, he was denying us both our happiness, our constancy, ourbones.We’d finally had a near complete skeleton and here he was, determined to destroy the evidence.
I wasn’t going anywhere. I was only taking this meeting so I could officially turn them down. If I could talk to him, I’d show him.
