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The gentle sway tells me he’s moving us and climbing the stairs.
We’re in his room.
On his bed.
And I let sleep claim me.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jeremy
Ican’t do it.
I thought getting her back was what I needed to mend whatever fucking part of me was broken. But it was too fucking painful.
Staying away was easier. Out of sight, out of mind. Except she was never out of my heart. All the drugs in the world couldn’t stop me from loving Anna Rose.
And that is a fact I can only cope with — deal with — when I’m not around her.
And yet again, my father has a way of sabotaging what I want most in the world.
Marrying his ridiculously young, pregnant girlfriend sent my mother over the edge. She shouldn’t even know what he’s doing with his life, but she’s never known better when it comes to him.
So, I’m here to pick up the pieces for her once again. To try and sever the grip my father still holds over her despite the divorce.
But here is dangerous.
Here, I’m weak, like I’m that kid again, railing against those feelings my father brings out in me: wanting to defend my mother and needing to defend my girlfriend.
Everything turns to red, and any and all of my control is gone.
Just like my attempt to stay clean.
The first time I saw her was a coincidence. But after arguing with my mum, seeing Anna was too much.
And as soon as I did that line of coke, as soon as I felt that familiar buzz in the back of my skull, all I could see was Anna.
I needed her. Fuck, did I need her. I’d travelled the fucking world to forget about her, and now, she was within my grasp, and I couldn’t let her go. Maybe this time, we could fix each other and be addicted to each other and nothing else.
But it wasn’t enough to just think that. I wanted it. And so, I pursued her, purposely derailing her life. How fucked up is that?
Watching her sleep now, watching the beautiful girl who’s ingrained in my very soul rest peacefully, I finally have an attack of consciousness.
She was right all this time.
While we might have started off as pure, our love turned toxic and bled poison over everything we touched, all thanks to me and my fucking father.
I hurt her. She hurt me.
And here I am again, hurting her while telling her I’d never do that. She makes me want to crash and burn when we’re together, and that’s all I feel.
But I can’t go down that path again. I can’t see what we have suffocated by addiction and pain. Not now I’m on the other side looking back.
I finish two lines in the bathroom and then leave. Nothing in the house matters. Mum will be out of rehab in a few weeks, but I have to do right by Anna.
Even if it guts me.
I leave and give her the only thing that could possibly tell her why I’m doing this.
