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I look at him, stare at him and wait to see if there’s any kind of reaction to him: that magic pull, that little flicker of excitement. Surely, I’m owed that from someone other than Jeremy?
“Urghh.” I storm out of the kitchen and into the living room. Reece follows. “Okay. You want to know more? Sit.”
He does.
And I take a long, deep breath as I prepare to explain my darkest secret.
“When I was at school, finishing my A levels, I dabbled in drugs.” My mind sifts through the scattering of memories that led up to that. “Only, it got out of hand, and I became addicted. I drank. I smoked, took pills, coke, anything. It got really bad and pretty dark, and it took me a while to see that, but then I went to rehab and pulled myself out.” I look up at him, and the disgust on his face is clear. His eyes have narrowed, and his top lip is raised in a disapproving snarl. He’s looking at me like I’m some dirty junky with needles sticking in my arms.
I nearly was, at my lowest. I still have nightmares about waking up in that house with vomit over me or breaking into Jeremy’s to steal his mother’s supply.
“Explains your moods.”
I bite my tongue at the response I want to shove at him. “And why I don’t drink. Even though you seem to forget that detail when it suits you.” I can’t leave that bit out.
“Are you using again? Is that why you’ve been in a bad mood.”
It’s there in his voice, the condescending, accusatory tone, like suddenly I’m lesser than the person I was before telling him. And that’s where I draw the line.
“No. I’m not. I’ve been clean and sober for three years. But I don’t appreciate you looking like I’m something you just scraped off your shoe.”
“Well, sorry, but things are different now.”
“Oh, really? Don’t want to move your PlayStation in or use this place as your personal home office now?”
“Well, no.” He looks put out and stands.
“Oh my god. To think I thought you were kind at one point. What was wrong with me?” My head starts to spin as I think about how blind I’ve been to this guy, and I stomp a circle around the coffee table in front of me, shell-shocked. I thought he was kind. I thought he was the type of guy I should be with after Jeremy. And he’s just an arsehole.
“I’m going to leave.”
“You do that. Oh, and I want my key back.”
He leaves, slamming the door after throwing the key in my face.
Good. I don’t need someone like that.
But there’s a strand of sadness wrapping around my heart.
It’s irrational. I don’t want Reece. I don’t love him. And the way he looked at me brought up all my fears. All my shame. His disapproval gave them room to flourish like weeds inside my head.
He rejected me because of my past and what I was. He didn’t care about how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am today, putting my demons to rest.
And all of this wouldn’t have even been an issue if it weren’t for Jeremy.
He put doubt into my head. He’s made me question things I’d never have needed to.
My feelings twist and warp in my head and my heart until I’m storming from the house with only one clear destination.
I’m hot and sweaty by the time I reach the familiar front door. And the run hasn’t cooled me off or cleared my mind. I’m mad. And angry and hurt.
My fist bangs on the door in tempo with the beat of my heart.
He mentioned his mum is still here, and I hope she doesn’t answer. What would I say to her after all this time?
But that doesn’t happen. Jeremy stands on the other side as the door opens, the same sombre look he’s always carried. His eyes meet mine for a split second as I’m still catching my breath, and then he grabs me, pulling me to him and assaulting me with a kiss that’s so desperate — so passionate — that it steals all of my senses.
He drags us back inside the door and then pushes me up against it, pinning me in place while he continues his assault. My lips are already swollen as his kisses grow urgent, and his mouth travels down my neck to my collarbone and back up to my face.
