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“Fine. Just leave, Jeremy. We can’t keep going back over this. We’re not good for each other right now,” I repeat as if it’s my only defence.
“When will we be good for each other again? You said you didn’t want to break up, fine. Then what? A month, six, a year? How much time do you want?”
“I don’t know. Are you clean?” The question slips out, and suddenly, all I can think about is searching his pockets, looking for anything to take the edge off. The need roars in my mind, and my pulse thunders in my ears.
The flex in his jaw tells me everything, and I lunge at him, grabbing him and feeling for what he’s got on him. He starts to wrestle me, stopping me. “Jere!” I shout at him, and suddenly, a bunch of people are all looking at us on the beach.
We both stop and look away, and I storm off towards the cottage. He’s following. I know it, and a part of me relishes that he is.
Mum’s car still isn’t back, so I don’t have to worry about her stopping whatever is coming next. I don’t even know what I want right now — my emotions are scattered all over the place.
He follows me into the cottage.
We stand, looking at each other from across the small living room. The cracks in my heart groan as I stare at him. Everything about him is familiar and offers me salvation.
I miss him. With every part of my being, I want to be with him. And in the same breath, I feel like what we had is so broken we would never be able to piece it back together.
He closes the distance across the room, the pull between us growing. He continues his path all the way to me.
His eyes study my face as if reading me before he moves to kiss me.
“What do you want, Anna?” he whispers against my lips.
I want him to kiss me, lean into that tiny fraction of a gap he’s left between us, and take all the pain away. Tell me everything will be okay.
But I don’t.
“I want to go back to how it was before we got mixed up in this.” I shut my eyes, remembering the bonfires and our time at the beach or the jetty — being enough for each other.
“Is that the only way? Can’t we have both?” His words caress my cheek, and the touch of his hand as it runs up my arm and up to my shoulder leaves a trail of goosebumps.
“We tried that, and it ended in nothing but pain. So yes, it’s the only way.” My eyes open, and I study his as the sting of salty tears in mine hits.
He steps back, dissolving all the pressure between us.
“So, you don’t want this?” His voice sounds cruel as he pulls a packet of pills and a bag of powder from his pocket and shakes them in front of my face.
My pulse quickens, racing faster as he dangles temptation in front of me.
He’s being spiteful, and it destroys another part of me that loved him.
Why would he do that?
“Leave. You don’t love me if all you want to do is feed me this. I told you before. This is toxic. We’re toxic. And if this is your idea of love, then I don’t want it.” My voice breaks.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Get out!” I scream at him, shoving him forward and back towards the door. But I snatch at his hand, grabbing whatever he has on him.
He smiles as if he just won.
But he leaves.
And I drown in the cocktail of drugs I took from him.
Mum found me.
She’d had car problems, which was why she’d been gone for longer than expected.
