AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The cottage and pancakes for breakfast at Molly’s Diner both do their job, bringing me closer to my normal self. Positivity rises in me as the sun drenches the beach in warmth.
Mum packed the journal she gave me for my sixteenth birthday and suggested I use it to write down anything and everything I wanted. She said I should think of it as a defence mechanism — instead of reaching for a drink or a fix, reach for the pen and scribble something down.
So, I take myself off to secluded spots in the town and write. To start with, it’s only words following my mind as it starts to wander. But then, sentences begin to form, and anything else that pops into my head. I let my mind drift and just follow the flow of words. It’s therapeutic and eases something inside me, that anxious, edgy feeling that stays with me like a shadow.
When I read it back in the evening, there are often a bunch of pages that don’t make any sense, but it doesn’t matter because it’s helping — stitching me back together one word from the page at a time.
I’ve kept the good memories of my summer here with Jeremy at bay. They threaten every minute I’m awake and even in my dreams, but the bad is too raw to let them surface too far.
Mum’s kept the chocolate fudge ice cream coming to the point that any of the weight I lost over the last few months has come back, and that’s a good thing. I feel stronger.
She’s also kept her distance, not hovering like she would be if we were back home. That’s helped as much as anything. Lying under the sun, if I close my eyes and just listen to the waves, I can forget the last year even happened.
Almost.
After the first two weeks, the novelty of being back here fades to the point that the sun can’t even change my mood. It’s a sleepy town, and the list of distractions is growing smaller.
The pull to look for something to appease that niggling inside me is growing, and writing my feelings down is no longer helping. The draw to visit the Cove seems to feed off my anxiety, and I can’t keep the idea out of my mind.
Just for a look.
Just to see.
“I’m going to meet with a new gallery. Want to come?” Mum asks the following day.
“I’m good. I’m going to take a look at The Silver Tree. I’m missing a bracelet.”
“I’m surprised it’s taken you so long.” She tilts her head and looks at me.
“It’s taken a while to get my head straight here. Jewellery wasn’t at the top of my list, sorry.” The lie kicks me in the gut, but I just turn away.
“I’ll be back after lunch.”
“You’re taking the car?” I ask as I fill the kettle in the kitchen, wondering how I might get to the Cove.
“Yeah. You don’t need it to get to Silvia’s.”
“I know, I know.”
She leaves, and I set about calling for a taxi to take me back to the place that haunts me.
I head down to Molly’s, where I meet the taxi. The drive takes forever, even though it’s only a handful of miles, my heart striking out the seconds as it pounds in my chest the closer we get.
There’s no real reason why I need to go back, but it’s torture being so close yet so far away. Maybe I need closure or to somehow see that the time we spent together here wasn’t as magical as I remember — that the hours we spent on the beach or sitting at the jetty didn’t really mean what the memories stirring from my heart make me feel.
The taxi pulls up, and I get out at the identical location where Mum dropped me off the first time I came here for our date.
The rush of excitement I feel douses me, like walking into a cold shower. It was such a short time ago, but time isn’t only measured in minutes and days. It can be marked by the breaks in my heart, too.
With slow steps, I make my way down to the beach. It’s as beautiful as ever, with gorgeous sand stretching out before me and crystal waters lapping rhythmically at the shore.
Dozens of people are down with their coloured tents or windbreaks, making their little home base for their day, enjoying the sun.
I drop down in the sand and watch the waves, picturing the burning bonfire and the setting sun.
It wasn’t all bad.
Most of it was amazing.
