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“I got the grades, but I’m going to defer. There’s too much going on right now. Besides, that way, I can visit more easily.” He looks down at me.
“What?”
“Seriously?” Sammy and I ask at the same time.
He just chuckles. “Yeah. What’s the big deal? A gap year sounds pretty good right now.”
I smile up at him, feeling something ease inside my chest. He’s right. It does sound pretty good.
“Anna?” Sammy pulls me back towards her. “Don’t. Don’t do what I think you’re going to.”
“What?”
“You’re so caught up in him you’re completely blinded. Snap out of it. You don’t need to do everything he does.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, really? The Anna I know worked hard, studied, and had the goal of going off to university — not to get dragged into drugs and drinking and follow the guy she likes around like some puppet.”
“Wow, tell me how you really feel.” I start to turn around, but she grabs my shoulder.
“Someone has to. You’re a completely different person than you were. And it’s all his fault.” She looks back towards Jeremy.
“Thanks, Sammy.” I swallow her truth, and it turns my stomach sour. “Good luck at university.” I walk away towards Jeremy.
“Hey, you okay?” he asks as he follows me.
“Sure. Let’s get out of here.”
I defer my place to uni. I don’t tell Jeremy right away, but I do let Mum know via a text message. She doesn’t stop calling, so I switch off my phone. I half expect her to show up at Jeremy’s, but she doesn’t.
A group of friends end up celebrating with us, and we party the night away. I’d been feeling so secure with what was to come, knowing I’d be with him, and especially remembering the time in Cornwall when he told me that nothing was temporary with me. But that’s not how I feel now as I watch him drinking, dancing, and laughing with his friends.
But then things got a little messy.
More drugs, not just the prescription pills he gets from his mum and weed, but coke and other stuff. It all did the same thing, right? Helped you enjoy the ride, that’s all. It wasn’t a big deal. We were having fun. I wasn’t Little Miss Anna anymore.
I went back home the following night.
We’d slept through most of the day, but I knew I had to face my mum. She wouldn’t just accept my decision like Penelope had with Jeremy, although I wasn’t sure if Jeremy had told her. I’d not seen her for days.
I click the door open and wait for the bombardment, but it’s silent.
She’s not in the front room, so I venture into the house and find her in her studio. I’ve not been in here for weeks, and it’s full of jewellery — new pieces I’d not seen before.
“I’m busy, Anna.” She doesn’t look up from her bench.
“Fine. I’ll leave you to it.”
I pause before going upstairs, and I think I hear the quiet sobs as she cries. My own eyes sting as they’re hit with tears. I’d never imagined we’d grow so apart so fast. She was my world. But now, someone else occupies that space.
I go upstairs. A little baggy of powder is in my pocket, so I indulge, happy to forget about the guilt in my chest at hearing my mum cry.
“Anna?” The voice creeps into my mind as my body shakes. “Anna, wake up. What have you taken?”
“I’m fine, Mum.” My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth as I force the words out.
“Anna, what the hell? I’m worried about you, darling.”
