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“Home. I’m not staying here.” The emotion begins to bubble and overtake all the negative feelings, and my eyes start to sting.
“Fine. Leave me. On my fucking birthday.”
I stop.
And I turn.
“It’s not your birthday. And you seem to be doing just fine.”
There’s a moment when the pull between us, the connection, tugs at me, but I fight it and turn around, still determined to leave.
“Whatever.” The sadness in his voice makes me remember what he sounded like when we were on the jetty, and a wave of guilt creeps over me.
He’s not been the same since his actual birthday, and I feel that every day.
But I still leave.
Chapter Fifteen
There’s nothing I want more than to curl up on the sofa and have a cry with my mum. But I’d have to admit that Jeremy might not be the boy I thought he was. Even after everything we’ve been through this year, I’m haunted by how he strung me along, pretending when I first thought we were friends.
Instead, I tough it out on my own and message Sammy.
Anna
Will you give me another chance to explain? Please?
As I’m waiting, the phone lights up with Jeremy’s face — he’s calling — and my heart does a little skip.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Hey, why aren’t you here? I thought you’d have stayed last night.”
“Stayed? Why would I have stayed?”
“Because you’re my girlfriend?” I can hear the confusion in his voice.
“What do you remember from last night?” My heart aches as I realise he has no clue.
“Oh, well, there’s quite a blur amongst the partying. I needed to let loose a bit. We had a good time, though. Can I come over?”
“We had a fight last night.” The words sound like a confession, and I hate that I have to tell him this. I didn’t think we’d have to do this. It was bad enough going through it. Now, I have to remind him of what he did.
“Did we? Over what?”
“Another girl. She was all over you, and I pushed her off you. You took her side, and so I left.”
“What? That’s crazy. I’d never take someone’s side over yours. I love you. And I’m not interested in anyone else.”
“It didn’t feel like that.” I hate the green-headed monster that emerges when I think about that girl, or any girl, with Jeremy. It’s ugly, and it shows my vulnerable underbelly, the insecurity that all of this is going to end.
And as much as I want to believe that after the last year, we’re stronger than ever, and there’s nothing to fear, I’m still just a girl, desperately in love with a boy, and wanting to cling onto that with everything I have.
“That’s ridiculous. I’m coming over. I hate that you’re on your own, thinking that way. I love you, nobody else. I’ll be there in fifteen.” He ends the call without another word from me.
I don’t like his dismissal of what happened, but I do like that he’s coming over. I drag myself from the sofa and go and change out of my pyjamas.
Jeremy arrives, coffee in hand, and we spend the rest of the day studying. No fights, no arguments, and no tension when he looks at me.
