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We order drinks, but the conversation is stilted and nothing like it would normally be. Pressure and worry grow as the minutes tick on, and I struggle to see how this will resolve itself.
Why did anything have to change?
We both feel the awkward shift and what is usually hours of time spent together is over as soon as we can finish our drinks.
I get the bill, and we saunter outside.
“Look, I just have to say this,” Marty starts.
“No, please don’t. It’s fine.”
He shakes his head. “You deserve to be with someone who worships you, Anna. Don’t you see that?”
I make a little sigh. “That’s sweet, and I don’t disagree, but?—”
“But you don’t feel the same about me,” he interrupts.
I shake my head and pull my lips together, holding my breath.
“Nobody has ever treated you like you deserve, and that kills me. You’ve cut every possibility off before it can take hold, all because of what that wanker did to you.”
I don’t want him to bring Jeremy into this, but I also can’t deny he’s right, but I keep those thoughts to myself.
“I’m sorry, Marty. I am. You know I love you. You’re my best friend. And I value that above ever trying and risking hurting you.” I grab his hands, squeeze them in mine, and offer him a smile.
“I just wish you’d think about the possibility. Hell, if it’s not me, even the possibility of being happy with someone else. I’ve known you a couple of years now, and you’ve never even been on a date with someone unless it’s been as a group.”
“That’s not true. I’ve been—” He stands there waiting for me to finish the sentence, but I realise he’s right.
“I think—” It’s his turn to take my hands. “That we have something that could be really special. You just need to open yourself up to the possibility.” He leans in and kisses me on the cheek before leaving.
“Marty, wait.” I reach for his arm and pull him back to me, not wanting him to leave on a sad note, but I can see the hurt in his eyes, freezing me on the spot. I wish I could wave a magic wand and turn my heart back on, but even now, with everything on the line from him, there’s still nothing but friendly affection for him. And I can’t kiss him when I know there’s nothing in it. Risking our friendship is too big a gamble, and being with him because it’s easy isn’t right either. I learned that from Reece.
“Don’t. I know you’ll regret it, but I appreciate you even considering it. Give me a few days, let me lick my bruised ego, and then we’ll be fine, okay?”
“You promise?”
He nods.
“Marty, I’m so sorry.”
“So am I.”
I watch him walk away, feeling cruel and heartless. He deserves someone to love him the same way he thinks I deserve to be loved. Tears well in my eyes, and I send a little prayer that we’ll come out of this stronger.
I don’t go inside but head to Mum’s. I don’t want to be alone right now. But I make sure I stop for ice cream on the way.
Although I have a key, I haven’t called ahead, so I knock on the door.
“Hey, kiddo. Your mum’s in?—”
“Her studio. Thanks, Andy.” I walk in and drop the ice cream into the freezer before going to find Mum.
Andy and Mum have been together for a little over a year now. He’s a photographer who she met through one of the galleries where she sells her pieces. I didn’t realise that Mum wasn’t happy until I saw her with Andy. It’s like a light has turned on inside her, and I couldn’t be happier. After all, she deserves a happy ever after more than anyone, and Andy seems to be fulfilling his duties of granting that.
It’s a little strange not having her to myself all the time, but I’m happy to share her if she has someone to look out for her.
“Hey, Mum.”
