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Xox
I felt the bile rise into my throat, and I rushed to the bathroom. The contents of my stomach ejected into the white porcelain. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, I couldn’t breathe. She’d been in here. Despite all the security, despite the checks, everything, she’d been here.
My heart was pounding in my chest, hammering against the underside of my ribs. I wanted to shout out. I wanted to call for Tom or Levi, or anyone, but the words wouldn’t form. I didn’t have enough air in my lungs to do anything.
I pulled my phone from my pocket, opened the messages app, and sent one thing to Tom.
SOS
Moments later as the room started to spin and I felt like I was about to black out, Tom burst into the room with Levi hot on his heels. He was on his knees beside me in a heartbeat.
“Lennox? Levi, the flowers.”
Levi grabbed the flowers, and the card where I had apparently dropped it to the floor, and disappeared out of the room almost as quickly as he had come in.
“Lennox,” Tom insisted more softly. “I need you to look at me. Come on. You can do it.” He took his hands in mine. I wanted to comply, I wanted to look at him, but I couldn’t open my eyes and let him see the fear there. I felt like I was letting him down after all that he had taught me in the last few days.
He squeezed my hands tighter. “I’m here. She’s not here, I promise you that, you’re safe. Open your eyes and look at me. Let’s sort your breathing, I’m sure you’re feeling lightheaded by now.”
He understands.
That thought brought me right back to him. I opened my eyes and stared right into his soul.
“That’s it,” he encouraged as, without even thinking about it, I started to practise the breathing method he had been using with me over the last few days. He didn’t need to actively encourage it; it was already starting to become a habit. I just needed his presence and his strength to remind me that I was capable of dealing with this panic myself.
His hand cupped my face. “That’s it, you’ve got this. Big breaths. Brilliant, Lennox.” That single touch of his hand on my face was all it took to ground me back into the reality of who was here with me. Of how protected I was, and how I could get through this all with him there to guide me and care about me.
“Do you think you can stand now?” he asked, his hand dropping from my face to my hands as he stood to pull me up. Levi knocked and came back into the room just as Tom yanked me back to standing.
“She’s not here. She never was,” he announced to us both. “One of the venue staff took a delivery from a local florist about an hour ago. Apparently, they’re used to that kind of thing, so they thought nothing of it and just brought it back here.”
“Thanks, Levi,” Tom acknowledged. “Can you put that on the top of the sheet for the next venue briefing, and make sure that the manager here is notified that it might be something they need to have words with their staff about in future?”
Levi nodded and left us alone again in the dressing room.
“See, she’s not been here. You’re safe,” he reassured me. A shiver ran through me, and Tom wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay. I promise you it’s okay.”
This time my pulse quickened for different reasons. The closeness of Tom, his comforting arms around me, his soft tone soothing my nerves. When he pulled back from me and our gaze met, there was a moment of something between us. He looked at my lips. I wanted to press mine to his. The millisecond that we were paused there seemed to stretch out into minutes – time stuck waiting for one of us to make a move.
Instead, Levi knocked on the door to my dressing room again. “Ready when you are,” he shouted through the wood.
Tom broke his attention from me to glance at the door, and just like that the spell was broken. He waited as I got myself organised, freshened my breath, put on a fresh t-shirt, and did my eyeliner.
I approached him and covered his hand on the door handle before he had a chance to open it. “Thank you. For everything.” I smiled and took the chance to kiss him softly on the lips. Just as there was a hint of it turning to more, I pushed his hand down and opened the door, slipping through it and heading for the stage.
CHAPTER 11
TOM
My lips had tingled the entire time that Lennox had been on stage, but by the time he came off, he was more shy, a little timid, and he even apologised about overstepping boundaries. I had wanted to tell him it was okay. I had wanted to tell him that I had wanted it too, that in fact I wanted more. Instead, I thought about my job, and let him take the lead. I nodded, told him not to worry about it, and it was left at that.
I had kicked myself all night long as it kept coming back to my mind. His lips had felt so damn good on mine. It had felt amazing to have my arms around him. I wanted to be able to act more on the thoughts that had been going through my head since the moment I met him but knew that given the nature of the job at hand it was probably the dumbest idea I’d had over the last week. So instead, I settled in for a night of second guessing, frustration, and restless sleep.
Next morning, Lennox looked like he wasn’t faring any better than I was.
“Are you okay?” I asked as he rubbed his eyes and his forehead like someone who had either a bad hangover, or the start of a killer migraine.
“I swear, in all the shit that’s happened recently, I’ve never wanted a drink more.” He glanced at me after he said it and read my expression well. “Like, not actually, but God it’s just been one thing after another, and it’s hard.”
