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Eva hisses as the tech squirts cool gel onto her belly and reaches out, grabbing my hand. My heart races as I hold onto her, squeezing back for reassurance.
“Looks like your baby is growing nicely,” the tech says. “She’s measuring a good size for her development.”
“She?” Eva asks, voice gone high and squeaky. Even I turn my head to look. The tech’s eyes widen for a moment.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I probably wasn’t supposed to say. But the baby is very relaxed right now. She’s cooperating nicely, and I can tell you that you’re having a girl.”
Eva’s eyes are glued to the monitor. My mind is reeling with the revelation. A little, tiny, angelic baby girl. My pulse is racing and my chest feels heavy, a deep, aching desire to hold this little girl and protect her from the world blossoming inside me.
The baby and Eva deserve to have someone who cares about them in their lives. They need someone who wouldn’t be afraid to face the monsters and vanquish them. But could it be me, or am I just one of those monsters that stand in the way of their happiness?
The appointment continues, but the two of us are still reeling from the news Eva got so even when we’re leaving, we’re still quiet.
“So… do you want to get something to drink?” I offer, helping Eva into the car. I’m not ready to bring her back home yet.
“It will need to be a quick one,” she says. “I have to get back to work.”
I’m suddenly reminded that she works for me, and my heart drops. Even if I wanted to be involved in her and the baby’s lives, is that a good idea? I’m her boss, and she depends on us for her financial freedom.
I give her a tight smile. “Of course,” I say, shoving the feelings aside. I’ve probably scared her off with my behavior, anyway. No one would be interested in me if they knew about the darker side of me, of the things I’ve done and the things I’ll continue to do.
We head to a local café, and I order a cup of coffee for myself and an Italian soda for Eva, bringing it to her at the table she’s picked out near the window.
“So,” I say, handing her the drink. “A baby girl. How do you feel about that?”
“Excited,” she says. “A little nervous, if I’m honest. Things seem so much more real now that I know what I’m having.”
I reach out and take her hand, doing my best to be reassuring. “You will be a great mom,” I tell her sincerely. “You withstood all the bullshit we threw at you. A baby will be much easier than that.”
Eva’s hand is warm in mine.
“I hope so,” she says softly. “I’m not sure what’s going to happen in the future, but all I know is that I will love and care for this baby more than anything.”
“You have a big heart,” I say, sitting back slightly but keeping our hands clasped. “I don’t know how you could possibly forgive us for what we did to you.”
“I think I understand why you did it,” Eva admits. “You and Theo and Ryder were raised with certain ideas of how women should act, of how servants should behave. When I came in and didn’t meet those ideas, you lashed out.”
She’s surprisingly perceptive. “I can’t promise we’ll be good,” I warn her. “We’re not good men. But we hurt you, and I don’t want to do that anymore.”
“Thank you,” Eva says, sounding genuinely happy about that. “You and Ryder and Theo are… you’re good when you want to be.”
“Maybe,” I say, not sure whether she’s right. I still feel so selfish wanting to be with her, wanting the baby to be mine.
“Oliver?” Eva asks, pulling her hands out of mine. I look down, puzzled at the sudden change in her demeanor. She looks nervous about something. “About the baby?”
“Yes?” I ask, trying to play it cool.
“It’s… it’s good that she’s a girl,” she finishes, grasping my hands once again.
I smile, squeezing her hands gently. I wish this moment could last, but Eva looks down at her phone.
“We need to go,” she says. “Fitz is asking me to come back because someone knocked over a shelf.”
“Oh, dear.” I stand up, helping her to her feet. “We’d better go, then.”
Even if the baby isn’t mine, I hope there might still be room in their lives for me.
19
