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I nodded. “Just need to breathe for a second.”
“Ah, yes. Good ole breathing.”
He held me for a minute in the middle of the hallway as students walked by. I didn’t care. They could judge me if they wanted. Theo was safe for me. I took one last inhale and glanced up at him. He smiled at me, his gaze warm and gorgeous, and I blushed.
“This is embarrassing.”
“You hugging me? Nope. Not at all. I love it.” He placed his hands on my hips and dug his fingers into the skin exposed between my shirt and jeans. “I do need you to tell me what brought you to this rescue hug though.”
Guilt stabbed me in the gut. The one regret in all this was the fact I hated complaining about Quentin to Theo. Theo had to deal with so much shit on the team because of Quentin’s injury, and the fact my brother hurt me meant Theo would never bond with him.
“I can see the indecision on your face, your debate if you should tell me. I’m asking you to tell me. Please.” He rubbed his lips together, and my own tingled.
I wanted to kiss him, but I wasn’t sure I could. We weren’t there.
“I ran into my brother, and I couldn’t talk to him. I freaked out mentally.” I exhaled, telling him the truth. “He tried talking to me, even grabbed me?—”
“He grabbed you?”
“Not, not anything bad. Just, stopped me when I walked by.” My voice shook. “I can’t avoid him forever, but I can’t even look at him without my chest aching. What should I do, Theo? Avoid him until I feel better, which might not ever happen? Confront him? God, the thought of doing that gives me hives.”
“Ah, I’m so sorry, Auds.” He moved one hand from my hip to my collarbone, his thumb gently massaging my shoulder. “I don’t know what to tell you because we’re so different. But you do need to do what feels right. Maybe you tell him you need space and ask him to respect it.”
I swallowed. “Yeah, maybe I’ll do that.”
“What class are you heading to now?” He stared right at me. He never once let his attention shift to anyone moving around us, and it was an intoxicating feeling.
“Lab simulation with Professor Grundy.”
“Ah, nice. Just left hers. Do you have plans after?”
“Library,” I said out of habit. “But its changeable! I’m free if you’re asking to hang out. I can. Do you want to hang out with me?”
He grinned. “You’re the cutest, but I have to get my siblings in about thirty minutes today.”
“Oh. Yeah.” I swallowed down the disappointment. I didn’t realize how much I wanted to spend time with him. We’d texted a few times since he left my dorm Sunday morning, but I didn’t know what to expect. Maybe that was a one-time thing? Yeah, that made sense. I didn’t want to get my hopes up and be hurt.
A line formed between his brows as he exhaled. His minty breath hit my face as he rested his forehead against mine for a second. “Auds, your sad face kills me every time. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” My stomach was in knots, and I was too hot. It was forward of me to assume he wanted to hang out. “I should head to my labs now.”
“Baby, no, please. I can’t let you go when you’re upset.” He cupped my face now, his eyes searching mine. “Do you want to come over? I didn’t mean to upset you. I wanted to know what your plans were, if you had something fun to take your mind off your brother. You could join us for dinner at the house.”
“Oh, no, that’s a family thing.” I forced a smile, hating this so much. I didn’t know the rules. I didn’t know how to date. I didn’t know how to handle all these feelings, when I’d been numb most of my life. I stepped back. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning at the hospital.”
“Why are you pulling away?” He frowned, his shoulders sagging. “I want to hang out with you. I always want to see you. You know that, right?”
I nodded, just needing this conversation to be done. Between Quentin and Theo, I wanted a good cry. Which, that wasn’t me! I didn’t cry. I carried on. Distracted. All these feelings were gonna make my body shut down.
“I fucked this up.” He ran a hand through his hair, and regret lined his face. “Fuck. What can I do Audrey?”
“You didn’t fuck up.” I swallowed the ball of emotion, counting the seconds until we walked away. “We’re okay.”
I had no idea what okay meant, but it seemed like the right thing to say.
“I wish I didn’t have to be a parent right now. I wish so badly.” He frowned again and gently grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. “If my life wasn’t what it was, I’d wait for you after class. I’d go buy you flowers, and we’d walk back to your place. Or we’d get ice cream.”
I gave a half smile. “It’s a nice idea.”
