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“You have perfect teeth.”
He chomped them down with a vampire-grin. “Thanks, grew them myself.”
A snort escaped before I could stop it. Then it shifted into a full chuckle. “You’re an idiot.”
“Yeah, but I like making you laugh.” He shrugged and pointed to the book I had open. “Auds, are you starting the second study already? You told me later this evening.”
“I needed to distract myself.” I twirled a highlighter in my fingers and blushed under the way he stared at me, almost like I was a specimen, and he was determined to figure me out. “The easiest way to engross myself is reading. Full nerd status.”
“Why do you need a distraction? Isn’t your life busy enough as is?” He smiled, taking another bite of the cookie.
It was a weird, gross feeling to be jealous of cookie, but I was pretty sure I was. He held it with his large hand, his fingers wrapping around it and bringing it up to his very full lips. Seriously. There had to be a study to read about why I was so focused on his mouth.
His question hung in the air, lingering between us. He’d brought me cookies. He’d taken me to ice cream. I helped with his siblings and notes. Maybe, just maybe, we could figure out this colleague, friend thing. I read that nurses had to have friends at work to get through the dark moments, so maybe it would be best for my career to befriend him in a professional, healthy way. That meant opening up.
“My dad passed away when I was in high school after a long, horrible battle with cancer. My mom hasn’t been the same since, and I was missing him today, how simple our life used to be before all the sickness.” I inhaled the fresh scent of coffee from the café near us. “This place reminds me of him.”
“I’m so sorry, Audrey.” Theo’s entire face softened as he sighed. “I’m sure that put you in a really tough situation of taking care of your mom and your brother. I know how hard that can be, truly. You’re suddenly expected to be a grown-up when you’re a kid yourself, and it’s… exhausting.”
“Yes.” I nodded, hard. He understood it. He got it. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I continued, “I want to make the best choices, but the stress overwhelms me all the time. What even is the right choice? We had a plan before he was sick, but it’s different now, and I wonder if I’m making everyone’s lives worse.” I spoke in riddles because I couldn’t complain about Quentin to him. That would be messed up.
“My mom had a stroke a year ago.” Theo’s voice hardened, his eyes filling with sadness and turmoil as he stared at me.
My gut fell, sympathy for him gripping me.
“Penny was three and a half, and suddenly my dad had to put my mom in a care facility because she needed so much help. We don’t have good insurance, so the cost is ungodly, and my dad is working all the damn time. I’m suddenly the parent to my siblings.” Theo ran a hand over his face. “I know what you mean, Auds. I fucking understand all of it. It’s numbing at times. It paralyzes me. How am I qualified to help Penny at school? Or tell Daniel the right advice about bullies?”
“Theo,” I whispered, the urge to crawl across the table and hug him so strong my hands twitched. I couldn’t even finish the sentence. Saying sorry was pointless. I hated hearing it over after losing my dad. It didn’t help. Sometimes, just listening and being there was enough.
He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair, pulling on the ends and causing it to stick up in weird angles. It was absolutely endearing. “Is it better or worse to lose someone you love completely, like your dad? Or to watch someone you love never be themselves again? My mom is my favorite person alive, but she’s not herself. Because of the severity of her stroke, her speech and entire left side were affected. Even with all the therapies, the chances are slim that she’ll ever be the mom we all need again. We don’t know what the future holds for her.”
Tears welled up and spilled down my face, and Theo saw it. “Oh, Auds.” He moved out of his chair and kneeled in front of me, his hands coming up to wipe the tears off my face. Him touching me crossed so many lines in my head at how close he was to me, how near his lips were to mine, and how good he smelled, but none of that mattered when he pulled me into a hug.
“I should’ve asked if you wanted a hug, but I’m selfish and need one myself.” He spoke into my shoulder, his face completely buried against me. His hair tickled my chin, and I could hardly breathe with him pressed up against me. His arms came around my middle, squeezing me. His touch was a comfort and a flame. Parts of my body that had lain dormant for years came to life. My thighs tingled, heat spread to my core, and even my nipples tightened with want. My pulse raced, and my breath quickened as I returned Theo Sanders’s hug, and holy shit, I liked it.
His back was so thick and strong, and his cologne was like an evergreen tree and leather had a baby. I breathed him in as he cupped the back of my neck and held me against him.
His large fingers dug into my scalp, as he said, “Fuck, I needed this. Thank you.”
Then, he released me and returned to his seat, a small smile playing on his lips. His eyes seemed lighter as he leaned back in his chair with a sigh. “Fun fact about me, my love language is touch. A good hug can reset me and give me all the endorphins I need, and damn, Auds, you’re a great person to hug.”
My world was spiraling out of control. Gravity stopped working, and I floated in the library archives. It was wild how no one saw me just hanging out in the air as I tried to connect back to my body. That hug changed my life. I wanted it again. I felt safe and excited and comforted and turned on all from his hug, and it didn’t matter that it was Theo Sanders. He understood what I lived with such clarity that it was addictive. I wanted more of it.
“Yeah, uh, that was…” My voice trailed off as my entire face heated like a firepit. I nervously pushed my hair behind my ears, unsure what to do with my hands. They trembled. “Thank you,” I managed to whisper. “I needed that too.”
“Okay, so do you have something else to work on today?”
How did he go right back to his cheery, annoyingly upbeat self? My whole body was in panic mode, trying to figure out what was right and wrong, and he was just so happy. Ugh. Unfair.
“Uh, yes.” I sounded like an imbecile, unable to form full sentences or speak more than a few words. He stared at me, and I immediately focused on the plate of cookies.
“Perfect. I vote you focus on whatever else you need to do, and I’ll do the reading for the second study and try to provide the same detailed notes you did. Those were amazing, Auds. Also, can we talk about your handwriting?”
“What about it?”
“It’s amazing.” He smiled and pointed to my notebook. “Look at your letters. Seriously, you could sell this as a font online or something. Pretty sure people do that.”
“Thank you.” My skin warmed for the millionth time from his compliment. “Never thought about going that far with it, but good to know.”
