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“Of course not.” And it wasn’t even just that Cat’s life was threatened because now, I had her safe. “I can’t change the past, but I’m trying to make up for some of my sins. I’m trying to be a better man. I don’t want my shows, a night of fun and excitement, to be the thing that ruins someone’s life forever. Not again.”

Rodregez froze, and he set down the needle. His eyes stared at me behind bifocals, making his brown stare look so much bigger.

“You’re a different man than the one I met ten years ago, Remington.”

“So are you.”

“True. What changed for you?”

“I get nightmares,” I told him honestly. “The same nightmare for the last eight years. It’s a memory. A fucking bad one.”

“What happens?” Rodregez questioned, looking more like a shrink as he leaned back in his chair.

“Cat’s there, and she’s with this guy, but it’s not Cedric. I remember his little weasel face, but I can’t remember this guy’s face. He’s big, taller than me, more muscles than Ollie, but I don’t know him. Maybe it was Rothbart.”

“Rothbart Koch?”

“You know him?”

“Cat mentioned a Rothbart yesterday. And it rang a bell, but the only Rothbart I ever knew was from way back. Rothbart Koch. But he didn’t live here. I met him on an international trip with Rubbichon—not Pencil Dick—and I believe he was German. That’s a guess. I’m not great with accents.”

“And he was involved with Alerion in some way?”

“An acquaintance, yes. I believe. I was young, still doing my training, which, as you know, he paid for.”

“Yeah, he bought us all.”

“Rothbart was there to visit Alerion’s son, I believe.”

“God, that poor kid must be so fucked in the head.”

“Well, he isn’t a kid anymore. He’s almost thirty-two. But there are stories about his mental health. But I think he’s good, personally. That fucked head is on straight enough to end the leader of all this shit.”

“Yeah…and yet hell still hasn’t crumbled, even without the Devil.”

“Too many minions, Remington.”

I couldn’t agree more. Alerion had left more than an empire. His scum tainted almost half the countries across the globe.

“Anyway…the dream. I’m at this bar, and it’s small and intimate, and people are there to see me. Not many. It’s a private show. There’s Cat, who’s crying, and the man, who is enjoying every tear he causes. Like I said, he’s a big guy, but in the dream, I don’t realize how big he is at first because he’s sitting on this fancy wingback-type chair. She doesn’t want to be there, to see me, so I ignore her as best as I can, which isn’t very well, but I just keep singing. He has her on her knees, and there’s a collar around her neck, and she’s giving him a blowjob. And I think he might be ridiculing her as she does. I’m hard, I think, which doesn’t surprise me with the zelophilia thing. I ignore it. Ignore him as the ridiculing continues. I can’t hear him over me singing, but I can see how his mouth moves. Can see the words ugly and slut on his lips. And then her eyes meet mine, and she looks so sad, and I feel like I can feel everything she’s gone through in the three years since she met me. I see the look in her eyes like she’s about to go in for the kill, and she doesn’t care what it’ll cost her.”

I take a breath. “I give a nod. The go-ahead. And for some reason, she trusts me. She bites his cock, and there’s blood. A lot of it. And he starts punching at her head and shoulders. She doesn’t let up, and I think she does something to his balls because he starts screaming and throwing his head back. And that’s when she reels back. Two others come from somewhere in the room. I can’t make them out, either, but I jump in their path before they can get to her, and I tell her to run. And she does. And then everything goes black, and I hear her calling my name. Screaming my name, and then she appears in the blackness, covered in mud and blood, and she tells me, “I dug my way out…but they caught me anyway. And for fucking years, I couldn’t look for her. I forced her from my mind because I couldn’t face the fact that I thought she might be dead, and I did everything in my power to convince myself she wasn’t.”

One tear rolled from my eye, and I didn’t bother wiping it away, or the one that followed. Rodregez could witness my downfall. It wasn’t the first time.

“And you definitely didn’t see the man’s face or anything distinguishable.”

“Just that he was huge. He made me look small. He must have been a fucking giant.”

“Rothbart made Alerion look small, and he was the exact same height you are. Six foot five.”

“I think he had dark hair?”

“Black as night.”

“I had a comeback gig the next night. Badeaux arranged this one to get me in the zone. They were taunting me, weren’t they? Setting me up to fail.” I nodded along. “Fuck, I wish I could go back in time and kill them all.”

“Just be grateful many of them are gone now. Did you hear about Damiano?”

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