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“Mr. Cole,” a nurse interrupted my thoughts.
I turned to her.
Her lips moved slow and sympathetic. “Can you come inside?”
“What is it?” I stood too quickly on trembling legs. “Is it Cat? Please, don’t say she’s—” If she died when I wasn’t even with her, that was another thing on a long list I’d never forgive myself for.
“There’s no update on your wife.”
And yet this woman looked like she was about to tell me the world was ending.
“It’s Rhylie. We tried to reach you multiple times. She’s in the intensive care unit. She tried to commit suicide again.”
My eyes hit the concrete, expecting to see my heart there, splattered all over the nurse’s low black heels.
“Why would she do that?” I asked as if this nurse would know. “I don’t know why I asked that.”
“She’s not alert, and we’re not sure of the damage right now. But she did leave two letters. One for you and one for her sister, but there’s no address.”
“Her sister is my wife. I’ll keep hold of both notes. Can I have her room number?”
Rhylie lay in the bed, paler than death and wired up to just as many machines as Cat. She looked like she was sleeping a dreamless sleep, her eyes not moving, her body not twitching. Her throat was bruised from the attempted hanging, shades of blue and purple tinting her skin.
I was here alone with her.
I’d walked Jolie back to the family and shuffled her through the door. I’d been here since, and it had been close to an hour, watching between Rhylie and the clock. Twisted thoughts had me guessing what time the machine would flatline.
Anger swirled inside me. Resentment.
“Why the fuck did you do this again?”
She lay there motionless.
“And you have the nerve to write me a suicide note. Well, I won’t be fucking reading it. And your sister won’t be reading hers, either.” I let the anger bubble a little more. My clothes stuck to me as I leaned back in the uncomfortable plastic chair at Rhylie’s bedside. “You know, a machine is keeping her alive right now.” I let that anger flood out of me. Cat spent last night clawing desperately to life while Rhylie was happy to end hers.
“I hate you right now, and I don’t want to hate you. But I think you’re selfish. All Cat wanted from me was my help to find you. I did a shitty thing by not telling her I already had because if she knew that, she’d never understand why her big sister didn’t want to see her. Yet you can write her a love note in death. You’re fucking selfish.” Tears rolled. Sick of fucking crying, I wiped them away instantly. “And you’re selfish for doing this to me. For leaving me here to grieve for her alone when she isn’t even gone because I have this gut feeling that you won’t wake up this time, and you have no idea how much I need you right now.”
I stood, kicking back the chair, wanting out of this room. I didn’t want to be mad at Rhylie for ending her own pain, but I didn’t know how to fight off my emotions. Grief was a strange sentiment that I’d only ever dealt with once or twice, and neither time was when my mother overdosed because that was something I was actually grateful for—neither time involved an actual death. The only grief I ever felt was related to Cat and me being apart, and I suppressed it back then with false thoughts and alcohol and a shitload of drugs.
I left one room, stepping into another. The guys were still waiting where I’d left them. The only difference was they were wearing the clean clothes Jolie had given them. Novaletti and his sidekick had disappeared.
“They’ve gone to check on other patients, including Cat,” Dec told me, following my eyes to their absence. “I’m sorry to hear about your friend—Cat’s sister.”
“Thanks. Thanks for everything, Dec. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Yeah, well, ditto.” He nodded, and the look in his eyes told me he was keeping a secret for me. He winked, returning his stare to Ollie.
“We’re all sorry to hear about her. I know this is heavy for you.”
“Yeah,” I gave nothing away as I spoke to Ollie.
“I have an idea that might help Cat.”
“I’m all ears because I’ve got nothing.” I took a seat away from everyone else.
“I’m gonna make some calls. Have it known that one of the victims at The Clinic has tested positive for HIV. I’ll insist everyone have a mandatory blood test.”
Guilt ran through my veins. Ollie was already in so much shit because of me.
