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That needle was the final fucking straw for me.
“She deserved more, and you deserve less. Less than all you have! You were right to think that I don’t love you! Because who the fuck could love somebody like you! Some loser who’ll take anything and doesn’t give a fuck about what it does to anybody else. You’re selfish, and that’s why you deserve to rot all alone!”
“Don’t fucking speak to me that way!” He launched at me, his weight pressing me into the bed.
“Get off of me!” I bucked, struggling under him, but the courage to fight back rattled through me. My arms flew wildly, my knuckles colliding with his skin multiple times.
“I could make you love me. I’ve never known a girl who doesn’t drop at my feet.”
Hands much bigger than mine pinned me easily. His cock was hard against me. Fear clawed at me, wondering what he’d do exactly to make me love him.
“Have you forgotten who I am?”
I hated this side effect of the drugs, and I knew that was what it was because the less he took, the less he acted like a self-righteous prick.
“No. You’re a smug, arrogant asshole who thinks he can have anything and anyone he wants!”
“I can have anyone!”
“You can’t fucking have me. Go and fuck someone else, someone willing.”
“I want you.” The big C on his ring finger was shoved in my face, reminding me of the vows he’d taken more seriously than I did.
“Of all the girls you could have, pick one with a name that starts with the same letter!”
“Why are you doing this?” He laughed, but there was no amusement, the sound hollow. His words were the opposite, pain traveling from inside him with them. “Why the fuck are you doing this?”
His hands let go of mine, reaching for my throat, but they slipped away, moving to my naked breast.
He groped me. “Tell me you didn’t mean any of it.” His thumb gently brushed my nipple, his eyes watching it harden beneath his touch before they focused back on my face. “I’ll believe you.”
He wouldn’t. This whole thing was because he didn’t believe me.
His mouth moved close to mine, reaching for a kiss that would let me taste his desperation.
I whipped my head away, refusing him.
“Tell me.” He snatched my face back. “Cat…please, tell me. Make me believe it’s real.”
His fingers lowered and pressed into my shoulders when he didn’t get the answer he wanted.
“You want the truth, Remi?”
“I don’t know!” Genuine pain pulled down his features. “One thing I wanted from you! One thing!” His shouting became whispers. “And you led me to believe it was real. How am I meant to deal with that? How am I meant to deal—”
“I loved you before I even met you. Those feelings never really went away, but you become a bigger disappointment every time you put that stuff in your system. And that disappointment outweighs everything else.”
“I needed to do it.”
“No. You had a choice, and you had limited yourself. And if you could limit yourself, you could quit. So, you chose to do the opposite. You chose drugs!”
“You don’t fucking get it. I can’t fucking cope!” He shook my body, moving his hand as if to hit me but fighting the urge.
“That’s your problem. Get help. I don’t want to have to deal with it or you. Cedric—”
“Cedric doesn’t get to keep me from you.” It was like something snapped, his patience, maybe.
Fear intensified inside me. I no longer felt safe to push him when he was this close to the edge.
