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A rip formed down the center of his tank and exposed everything to him, my ruined breasts and every scar that covered them, as the destroyed garment slipped down over my shoulders and hung over my elbows like some fancy shawl.
I rushed to conceal myself, but he caught my hands, pushing his fingers through mine and guiding them away.
The threat of another heart attack loomed, but I calmed when he started humming my song again.
His eyes took in every detail, and I cringed, knowing I couldn’t erase them from his memory.
“Don’t look at me.” My head snapped to the left, watching the water slip down the drain as if my looking away had any bearing on what he’d see through his eyes.
“I will look at you forever, and I will forever see the beauty behind each blemish. I’m a grown-ass man, Catharina, not a little boy. We started out as whatever the fuck we were because I thought you were hot, and I wanted to fuck you, and I didn’t even take into consideration that you were a person with feelings and attachments. That was then. Now, I feel honored to even share your fucking space. Because you’re that ethereal to me. Your body still appeals to me because you were born to be mine. A blend of genetics created perfectly just for me to love. Who gives a fuck what others think. You will never belong to them. You’re mine. Only mine. And only our thoughts should count. And I will do fucking everything—fucking anything—to show you how special you are. How perfect you are.”
“I love that. But I’m still uncomfortable with my body. Do you think Rodregez could fix it?”
“If, in time, your heart is strong enough, we’ll see what Rodregez can do to make you more confident in your body if I can’t manage to do it first.”
“And if my heart isn’t strong enough? I’ll have to steal some more of your hoodies.”
“You can share everything of mine. But you won’t be hiding away. I’ll just have to work harder to build up your confidence. Now, turn around, and let me wash this pretty hair for you.”
And he did, silently lathering my scalp in a fruity concoction that smelled like something creamy layered on top of oranges, and nothing like Remi with his thick and comforting powdery scent.
When he was done, he asked if I liked the hair that was starting to grow all over my body like I was one of the rabid-looking bears on his...well, he wasn’t quite that insulting, but I got the impression he wasn’t a fan. I wasn’t, either, so he shaved me.
“Remi,” I squeezed his shoulder with my free hand, using the other to hide the mutilation between my legs, and I looked down at him as he carefully guided the blade around my ankle.
He stopped, his eyes asking what it was I needed.
“You said you could hide my scars. Will you hide the tattoo?”
He’d already seen it while ridding me of my body hair. A double barcode. One, with a big X through it, because I’d moved and ruined the masterpiece.
I’d never had that memory before, and as horrible as it was, seeing myself in that chair with a man and woman standing over me, it was refreshing. Piece by tiny piece, I was remembering a small part of my history.
“I have the perfect idea for you.” He smiled. “I’ll start working on it tomorrow.”
Chapter 24
Remi
Of course, I didn’t sleep all fucking night. I knew I wouldn’t, so I’d made no plans with the sandman.
Cat fell asleep in my arms around two a.m., that battered panda head in one hand, mine in her other, both squeezed through every nightmare that seduced her unconscious mind.
I’d held things together while she was awake, ignoring each scar that taunted me. She kept my mind busy, and I needed that. I needed to listen to everything she said. But she wasn’t awake now, and that option was gone. I silently seethed as I watched her chest rise and fall, listening to the peaceful little snores that vacated through perfect lips.
I slipped from the bed around three-thirty, from the house, too. After fighting with the damn tabby for access to my boots, I jumped in my truck and drove off, following the potholes to the house down the road.
Rothbart’s place was lit up like a local attraction but still empty of life when I stepped inside.
I searched every fucking room. Heavy boots cracked through floorboards. My nails peeled the paper from his bedroom walls, looking for some hidden fucking room where he could be hiding or hiding anything that told me something about Cat and the baby. There was nothing here. Nothing but the stains of blood I’d left behind last time.
I returned home as the sun filled the sky with beautiful shades of pink.
I lingered in my vehicle, and what a poor decision that fucking was. I needed this second of peace, slumped back in my seat after I punched into the steering wheel. The obnoxious horn probably woke the entire house and the dead, whose remains were currently rotting in the pig pen out back. Those animals had eaten well this month.
A heavy sigh slipped from me. I was tired of the shit life kept throwing at me and depressed over the fact that I knew I’d brought it on myself and on Cat, who I should just be grateful for this second chance with.
But I couldn’t.
