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And neither was the unintentional moan that slipped through his lips.
“Here you are, calling me dream again.” My lips hiked, but sadness weighed them back down as I nuzzled into him, keeping my head angled to his face so he could see me trying to make light of this awful situation. “I thought I was your nightmare?”
“No nightmare looks like you.” His soft lips pressed into my hair, leaving a kiss.
I tingled again, those words doing more than easing my nerves.
He pulled up my strap and hoisted my body a little higher, not commenting on my arousal that I had no business having, leaving a wet kiss against his abs.
I didn’t comment on that, either, despite feeling the need to apologize, as it had been drilled into me that every bodily reaction was not allowed unless commanded, which never happened.
That kinda thing wouldn’t happen here. All of Remi’s touches brought me comfort, and because of that, I found the courage to hold my tongue and all the words that were ready to form an apology as they balanced on it.
My fingers looked small on his bronzed skin, slinking up his neck to his ear, where they twirled.
He watched with cautious eyes, but he didn’t stop me as I found a sense of calm that had my heart rate slowing against his chest.
He kissed my shoulder, turning us back to the water, where this time, he was the one to move my hair, allowing clean water to wash my injury and help prevent an infection.
“I’m sorry for peeing on you.”
He couldn’t hear me, but his fingers gilded over my back in circles as he felt the hum of words against his chest.
I reeled back far enough for him to see me and repeated myself.
He smiled. “Hey, some guys are really into that stuff.”
“Are you one of them?”
“Not usually. But it’s okay because it was you.”
My touch moved to his face, feeling every inch of him.
“You really are my person, aren’t you?”
“And you’re mine. And no one should have ever hurt you the way you’ve been hurt.” Something twisted inside Remi, and his color drained. I had visions of him vomiting all over me when his mouth opened to talk. “And he really fucking hurt you, didn’t he?”
It wasn’t really a question, more of a probe. He wanted details.
And I was ready to give them, having nothing else to lose.
I wouldn’t lose Remi, not if I could cover him in urine and he was still here, brushing out my hair with his long fingers.
“He did.” I wanted so badly to snuggle into Remi and look away while I told him what I could remember, but if I did that, he wouldn’t hear me.
I paused, not sure how to word the next part.
“People hurt me, too.” I let him lead the conversation, just like I’d given him permission to do with our relationship. “When we first met, I wasn’t the best person. I hadn’t been for a long time. I was familiar with drugs from childhood. I’d suck pills and crunch through the ugly taste like they were candy. I didn’t know any different. I guess that was down to my mother doing it through the entire pregnancy. I don’t even know how she got me to term, and in truth, things would be better for a lot of people if she hadn’t.”
“Don’t say that, Remi.”
“It includes you, Cat.”
“No.” My hands barricaded his face. I needed him to see these words more than any others. I needed him to feel them in his soul like I did, all the feelings that linked us without known reasons. “We aren’t focusing on the past, remember? And it wouldn’t be better for me now if you didn’t exist. Without you, I’d have no one.” One gentle kiss passed between us. It was innocent and delicate, but it was my way of showing all I felt. “Tell me more.”
“I was addicted to injections from the age of eight. I’d fight with my mother to get to them first, making her aggressive towards me. She didn’t want me taking her drugs, but the only reason she didn’t want me to have them was because there was only enough to feed one of our addictions.”
“She didn’t look after you.”
