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“You don’t even know what happened.”
“I know you, Vespa—not your past or everything about you, but the type of person you are. Besides, blaming yourself for being victimized is the worst thing you can do.”
“I’m not a fucking victim!” When she realized how loudly she’d shouted, her flush deepened, and she hunched into herself. Her goddamn shaking needed to stop right now. “It’s not blame; it’s taking ownership. I let my guard down because I was into someone. That’s what I meant by making a mistake. Not, you know, what happened after that.” As the old self-loathing rose, she forced herself to shove it down and glare at him instead. “I’m done talking about this.”
Antonio nodded. “Fair enough.”
“I mean it.” She threw up her hands. “I didn’t mean to say any of this! You’re a fucking devil, that’s what you are.”
His smile formed, but it wasn’t the fake smile, or the boyish one from before. This one was kind of crooked and a little sad. “I think you mean a handsome devil.”
Her snort surprised her, but it also eased some of her inner tension. “You’re so full of yourself. This is why, even though you’re hot, I’m not interested.”
“But you admit I’m hot.” She expected his smirk to grow, but he said it almost absently. His lips became a thin line. “Can I ask you one thing?”
Her shoulders stiffened where they still rested against the wall. “I don’t have to answer whatever it is.”
Antonio was searching her eyes. “Why did you tell me at all?”
She snorted again. “No need to lie about it. Like you said before, I don’t lie.”
“No, but you can deflect. Not very well, I’ll admit, but you get that stubborn look like you’re wearing now and then dig into your silence on a subject. You’re up-front about not answering, but you can not answer.”
Antonio fed on information. She’d probably been a fool, but telling him had felt right. “I learned something you didn’t want people to know about. I get how that made you feel.” She shrugged. “Now we’re even.”
His mouth got that soft look again, the one that was appealing despite him being Antonio Di Salvo.
He shook his head, though not in denial. A brief laugh followed. “That sounds just like you. For someone in the Mafia, you really are an open book.”
She scowled again, relaxing, as it felt natural. “No need to insult me. I don’t have to lie to do my job. In fact, it’s best when they trust what I say. It’s rare anymore that my men test the boundaries.”
His hands twitched at his sides. “I want to tell you something.”
She folded her arms. “You sure? We were about to end things on good terms.”
He smiled that boyish smile again. “I’ll chance it.”
She sighed, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t curious. “All right. But you better not be offering to play wingman again. That ship has sailed.”
Antonio started to step closer to her, but he put his hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels instead. “I said I don’t always know what attracts me to people, but sometimes I do. I want you, Vespa, because of that honesty of yours. Feeling like I might get exactly what I see is sexy as hell.” He tilted his head. “You set out to sleep with someone tonight. Are you certain you won’t try me?”
That warmth was in her stomach again, spreading this time. “It’d never work,” she said, but a part of her was trying to convince herself of that fact. Being with a Di Salvo would be as bad as being with a Coronella. There was a reason she was trying to land someone outside of the life instead. She’d resolved never to show one of the made men that side of herself again.
“It probably won’t work,” Antonio agreed. “But are you too scared to try? One kiss. Hopefully we’ll realize it sucks, and this kernel of interest inside will fade for us both.”
She couldn’t deny that there was some interest. Antonio was often a jerk, and way too high maintenance, but he really was attractive. And he gave the best compliments. They continued to fill her with warmth.
“You want me to kiss you because you think it’ll suck?” She should have been insulted, but she just wanted to laugh. It sounded exactly like what had happened with Montrell when they were teenagers. It felt safe.
She’d never had safe with another man before.
“Be honest. You hope it sucks too.” His eyes were back to dancing.
She bit her lip, but she already knew what she wanted. “Okay, but you can’t back me into the wall again.”
“Understood. If we do this, you should kiss me.”
Nerves filled her, but no way would she tell this man she’d never initiated a kiss with anyone before. She shuffled forward, wishing she didn’t feel ridiculous doing it. With her slight heels, they were eye-to-eye instead of him being a little taller. There was no weird head tilting or rising up on tiptoes. She just had to lean forward and do this.
