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Chapter 25
Alina watched Luka through slitted eyes, feeling really, really good. She had expected the fear, but had expected discomfort with it. She hadn’t expected the euphoria that had come over her as Luka thrust against her. It had been a little scary, and she knew she had made Luka panic. The tugs between her legs, reminding her how good it had felt, took away her shame.
She’d remember these moments with Luka more strongly than anything. Her selfishness had paid off.
She wanted to be more selfish. She wanted to take off her clothes, take off all of Luka’s clothes, and then straddle him like she’d watched the other woman do. Maybe if she forced Luka to be inside her, his instincts would take over again.
She shifted closer to Luka, careful not to brush against him as she curled her fingers into the hem of his shirt and pulled it up. She only got past his stomach, where his healing wound scarred him, before his hands clamped around her wrists, forcing her to stop.
His hands were shaking, she realized, and his eyes were terrified. “Enough,” he said, releasing her before turning on his side and curling into himself.
Guilt tore through her. She wished she could hug him, the way he did her. She couldn’t wish it had never happened.
So she did the only thing she ever did. She talked. “Sorry. I won’t touch you. You can trust me this time, even though I’ve said it before.”
His body didn’t uncurl. Tremors still ran through him.
“Instead of apologizing, I should thank you. I know I asked a lot, but the sensation that burst inside me, it was nothing like I expected. With you, Luka, I really think sex might be amazing.”
He made a small, pained sound.
“Not that I expect you to do that. You’ve done enough, I promise. I just want you to be okay. I wish it had been the same for you.” That it hadn’t, that he was curled up in pain instead, brought a slow death to her desire. “I really wish you could want me as much as I want you.”
Luka rolled to his back. She studied his face, still finding the fear there. He gestured down toward his pants. “I want you,” he whispered, as if it was a shameful thing.
His confession swept the hurt inside her away. She sat on her hands to keep from reaching for him. “That’s a good thing. We could—”
Luka was shaking his head. “I can’t.” He forced himself to take a deeper breath, letting it out slowly. “I want you too much.”
He was back to being scared of hurting her. She should probably be scared of the same.
Alina wasn’t, though. She wanted all of him.
“It’ll go away,” he said. He did more of the slow breathing.
Alina let herself enjoy looking at him as he tried to force himself to relax. She couldn’t help but stare at the place where his pants remained tented, even after long minutes. She’d seen erections before. The memory of the ones she’d seen bubbled to the surface, tainting the moment.
Luka’s jaw tightened as he stopped trying to breathe his reaction away. The way his hands curled at his sides broke up her thoughts. “It’s always gone away,” he mumbled, not looking at her.
Alina’s selfishness rose to the surface. “Can I see it?”
His erection seemed to jump inside his pants, and Luka hissed in a breath.
Alina leaned toward him, her knees digging into her hands. “Please? I want to see you naked. I’ve seen other men naked, and it scared me. But seeing you would be different.” She waited, breath held, because Luka hardly denied her anything.
The only hard nos he ever said were to her touch, because it hurt him too much, and to anything he thought would hurt her.
Luka rose from the bed and started taking off his clothes. She’d seen his stomach and his back before, but after the way he’d made her body hum, her eyes seemed to gobble him up. When he carefully stripped off his pants, she looked away, suddenly worried that seeing his erection would frighten her.
She didn’t want to have any fear around Luka.
Long moments passed. Luka didn’t tell her to look. No, he wouldn’t force her. He was probably getting dressed now that she was acting like she didn’t want to see his body.
Her head whipped toward him, as if to look while she still could.
He was standing naked at the side of the bed, his hands fisted at his sides. She wondered what expression he was making, but she could only look at one thing—his erection jutting out from his body.
It was smaller than the ones she’d seen, but Luka was a smaller man. Some she’d seen had been an angry red, but Luka’s was pale, with the most delicate of veins along its length.
