AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter Thirty-Two
The Past
TJ
“Do you love her?” my therapist asks.
I shrug. “I don’t know. Never been in love before.”
“But you have feelings for her.”
“I do.”
Merritt Adams is the first woman I’ve ever developed feelings for. Twenty-five years of my life and she’s the first one. I knew it from the first moment she walked into my gym.
Tanner brought her to me. Said she was drinking a lot and couldn’t stop. After everything she’d been through, I couldn’t blame the girl for wanting to numb the pain. Her mother abandoned her when Merritt was thirteen. When she turned twenty, her father committed suicide. Slit his wrists in the bathtub. That’s how she found him.
For two months, I’ve trained her.
And for two months, I’ve wanted to make her mine.
“Has she given you the impression that she has feelings for you?”
I shake my head. “But she broke up with her boyfriend.”
“The one in California?”
“That would be the one.” The selfish man that stayed in California to pursue his dream of becoming a rock star, while his girlfriend got drunk every night to try to escape her demons. The same selfish man who let her leave California, alone, at her lowest point, so he could continue living the high life without her.
“What are your thoughts on that?”
He’s a stupid fucking idiot. “Don’t have many thoughts about their relationship. But I want to talk to her now that it’s over. Tell her how I feel.”
“Do you think a former addict like yourself should be with someone who’s still recovering from her own addiction?”
I shrug. “You’re the shrink. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. That’s why I’m here. I need your advice.”
He chuckles and slips off his glasses. “You know I can’t tell you what to do, TJ. I offer counseling. Make you ask yourself important questions, see things from different perspectives.”
“But if I want your professional opinion on the matter?”
“Ms. Adams is an alcoholic. I understand why you’re drawn to her. You’ve both experienced the loss of a parent. You’ve both been deeply hurt by the other parent. You see a lot of yourself in her. You share a connection that goes deeper than most. But I’d be worried about your stability if you entered into a relationship with her.”
“And why is that?” I ask.
“I’ve known you for several years now. I’ve learned many things about you. But one thing that sticks out the most is your passion for helping people. You’re a fixer. This stems from the guilt you harbor for not being able to save your mother. Naturally, you’re going to be attracted to people who need help. Damsels in distress, if you will.
“But just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t necessarily mean you should be with her. It doesn’t mean she’s right for you. The person you should be looking for is someone who doesn’t need your help. Someone who stands strong on her own, and who pushes you to be a better version of yourself.”
I laugh. “Not sure that’s in the cards for me, doc.”
“It might not be. But you owe it to yourself to try.”
Tonight’s a big night.
Merritt recently reconnected with her mother after almost eight years. The first time they talked, Merritt fell off the wagon—got wasted alone in her apartment. Tonight, they’re attempting to talk again. And I’m going to be here to make sure nothing bad happens.
I’m also going to tell Merritt how I feel about her.
