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“I’m not trying to change you into someone you’re not. I’m trying to help you see the woman I see in you. I’m sorry you feel forced to do this. I was only trying to help. If you want me to turn around, I’ll see if I can get a refund on our jump package. I just thought it would be nice to experience this … together.”
My skin prickles at his words. “You think our sex was incredible?”
TJ’s head falls back as he laughs. “Out of everything I said, that’s what you heard?”
I shrug, my lips curling into a smile.
“Confession?” He picks at the steering wheel. “I think about our night together a lot.”
A flush climbs my chest, rising up my throat and into my cheeks. “Why is that?”
TJ leans against his headrest, eyes closing for a moment. “Because it felt good. You felt good.”
“Do you do that often? One-night stands?”
He averts his gaze out the windshield at the passing cars. “No. I stopped that a long time ago.”
“Then why me?” My pulse throbs in my ears as I count the seconds until his response.
“You’re stunningly beautiful. There’s an attraction between us, I know you feel it.” He blows a long stream of air through his nostrils. “You’re so put together, so in control. But I see a wildness in your eyes when you look at me. That night, I wanted to unravel you. I wanted to watch you come undone. There’s so much fire and passion inside you. You don’t even know it. You should harness it. Don’t let anyone stifle you.”
A zing shoots straight through my heart, like a dead engine roaring to life for the first time in ages. Hot fuel courses through every valve. The air between us is electric, our bodies sparking and crackling in anticipation.
TJ stares at me, hard. Now what? his eyes say.
I swallow down the apprehension caught in my throat. “I don’t want you to get a refund. I want to do this. With you.”
His velvety lips curve up. “Then let’s go.”
I’m freefalling from the sky. My stomach somersaults as I plummet to the earth. White puffy clouds float above me, casting shadows onto the grass below. The wind rips through my hair, my skin rippling, arms and legs splayed out wide.
As terrifying as this is—no safety net to catch me, no guarantee that the parachute will open—a strange sense of calm washes over me. Up here in the atmosphere, I find peace.
We are small fragments in this world. Our problems, the things that trouble us, the things we hold on to, are all part of a bigger picture. Maybe it’s because nothing seems that serious when you’re faced with the possibility of death. Maybe I just needed to change my perspective. The view from up here is crystal clear.
I am going to be okay.
It can all end in a moment, and I need to make my time count for something. My baby didn’t get to have a life. I owe it to him or her to live mine to the fullest.
When my feet are planted on the ground, my tandem diver unclips me. My knees drop to the grass. I gasp for air and pull my goggles off, tears sliding down my cheeks.
I am going to be okay.
TJ, who’d jumped before me, rushes to my side. “Are you all right? Did you get hurt?”
I shake my head and wipe my cheeks with the backs of my trembling hands. “I’m … that was … incredible.”
“So those are happy tears?”
I choke out a laugh in between sobs. “Yes. Very happy.”
My legs are wobbly so TJ wraps his hand around mine and helps me up. We’re quiet on the way out, and for a good while on the way home, but he hasn’t let my hand go. I wonder what he’s thinking about. I won’t ask. Jumping out of that plane was a very personal experience and I don’t want to ruin it. I’ve asked enough questions for today.
When we pull up to the gym, TJ kills the engine. Neither of us makes a move to exit.
“Thank you,” I say.
“I’m proud of you.” His pinky wraps around mine on the center console.
