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Mom sat beside him on the couch. “Tim, honey. Wake up. I need to know if you’re okay.”
The three of us sat in silence, waiting for him to respond. When he didn’t open his eyes, I knew something was very wrong. I immediately stood. “Get Dad’s coat. I’ll warm up my car.”
“What’s going on?” Chase asked as he came downstairs.
“I’m taking Dad to the hospital. Something’s wrong.” I flew out the door and started my car.
When I got back inside, Chase was helping Mom get Dad’s jacket on. No one was talking. Khloe sat on the couch, watching.
I lifted Dad into my arms and carried him out to my car. “I’m going to get you to the hospital, Dad. Everything’s going to be okay,” I whispered. Dad looked like he did the night he collapsed. I tried to remain calm. The doctors had helped him before; maybe he would be okay again.
It was like déjà-vu when I arrived at the ER. The nurses took Dad from me and rolled him through those same double doors. Within minutes, Mom walked into the waiting room, followed by Chase holding Khloe. We waited and waited, still silent. Even Khloe was quiet. I think we were all holding our breaths, hoping for a miracle. But Christmas was over, and the time for miracles had run out.
A doctor emerged from the double doors only five minutes later—much sooner than I’d expected. That was when I knew. His face was a dead giveaway. So was the breath he inhaled when he sat beside my mother. Mom covered her mouth before the doctor said a word. She knew, too.
I heard the doctor say, “We lost him.” His mouth kept moving, but the sound of blood pounding in my ears was all I could hear. I pulled my hood over my head and slumped into the chair. Mom cried, rocking Khloe who was crying now, too. Chase covered his face with his hands. I couldn’t look at them. It was too painful to watch. My own pain was slicing through my chest.
How could Dad be gone? He talked to me as if everything was fine this morning. He’d told me he was proud of me. Now, I would never hear him say those words again. He’d said he wanted to meet Charlotte.
Now, he never would.
I lifted my eyes to watch my mother stand and follow the doctor. She was going to say goodbye to her husband. Tears spilled over my eyelids. What would she feel when she saw him lying there? She was now alone. A widow. Her life partner was gone.
That’s when it hit me. Reality was a freight train—a ton of bricks. Everyone dies. Life ends. All of our lives will end. We’re going to have to bury our father. Eventually, we will have to bury our mother. There was a chance I would even have to bury Chase or Khloe.
Charlotte. One day, Charlotte is going to die. I suddenly couldn’t imagine a world—my life—without her in it. I made her my everything, and one day, she’s going to take it all with her when she goes. I will be left here with nothing. Alone.
As if sensing my downward spiral, Khloe crawled out of Chase’s arms and into my lap. She placed her tiny hands on either side of my face and kissed my forehead. I couldn’t offer her any words. There was nothing I could say to help her make sense of this. I just wrapped her in my embrace and held her as we cried.
After several minutes, Mom came back into the waiting room, her puffy eyes red. She kneeled and brushed Khloe’s tears away. “Do you want to say goodbye to Daddy?”
Khloe nodded and took Mom’s hand as she stood. Chase stood, too. I remained in my seat.
“Are you going to come in?” Chase asked. The usual self-righteous tone was absent from his voice.
I shook my head.
Mom placed her hand on Chase’s shoulder as they walked away. “He doesn’t have to come with us. He can have his time alone with Dad after.”
I couldn’t be in there while they cried over his body. That wasn’t Dad. Not anymore. He was gone. Nothing would ever be the same again.
I could feel my demons closing in. They’d broken free from their cages. All this time, I’d only suppressed them, unable to defeat them. I’d tried so hard to fight. Charlotte made me want to try. But now … I was just tired of everything in my life being so fucking hard. I could feel myself slipping into the darkness as the demons dragged me away. It felt oddly comforting—familiar.
The automatic doors to the waiting room opened as Merritt ran inside. One look at me, and she knew. She knelt on the floor in front of my chair.
“I’m so sorry, Tanner. I’m so sorry.” She wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
I buried my face in her sweatshirt. She’d lost her mother when she was thirteen, and then she lost her father. She knew what this felt like. She understood what I was about to endure. So much death surrounded us. Death was everywhere. It was coming for everyone. Not one of us stood a chance against it. What was the point in falling in love and building families when we would only be torn apart by death in the end?
My phone vibrated in the pocket of my hoodie. I pulled away from Merritt and looked at the screen. It was Mom.
“Yeah,” I answered, clearing my throat.
“Can you call Merritt for me? I want to get Khloe out of this place. Maybe she can take her for a while.”
“She’s already here.”
“Okay. We’re coming out.”
