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“Tanner, enough!” I yelled louder than I’d meant to. “Please,” I begged with tears streaming down my face. “I need you to trust me when I say that I cannot tell you. I need you to accept me for who I am today. I need my past to stay in the past. I need to move forward. I need to forget.”
“And when will these panic attacks end?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, and I can’t change what has happened in the past. All I know is that I want to enjoy spending time with you. I want to hold you, and I want to kiss you. That’s it. If we continue, I need you to say that you can accept me this way.”
Tanner ran his fingers through my hair and drew me in until his lips brushed mine. “I accept you. I will always accept you.” He looked at me with such ferocity, I could feel how much he meant it.
I knew it was unfair to ask him for this without full disclosure, but this was the only way. He wouldn’t be able to accept my demons if he met them. I wouldn’t expect anyone to. The only way I could protect Tanner from my past was keeping him completely out of it. He was innocent.
I was not.
Ten
Charlotte
“I can’t believe Tanner Brooks is your boyfriend,” Mallory said as we got out of my car.
“He is not.”
“You’ve spent every single day for the past two weeks together. You make out. He brings you flowers and pays for your meals. That sounds like boyfriend behavior to me.”
“I don’t even know if I want him to be my boyfriend.” He hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. I can’t just assume things. “What if he’s dating other girls?”
Mallory stopped in the middle of the street and gave me a blank look. “He is not dating other girls, and you know it.”
I thought I knew, but one never really knows for sure.
“Just think—all of this is happening because I made you look for a hot guy in the cafeteria that day.”
“I’ll be sure to send you a fruit basket.”
“Have you talked to Gabe at all?”
“We texted a few times, but we haven’t hung out since I gave him the let’s-be-friends speech.”
“I’m sure he got the hint. I wonder if he knows you’re with Tanner.”
“We are not exclusive.” I didn’t know what we were doing.
I followed her up the walkway to the Beta house and smiled. “Mal, your ass looks great in that costume.”
“Fuck yeah it does!” She flashed me a devilish grin over her shoulder before pushing the door open.
A blast of music hit us as soon as we walked in. The party was already in full swing, and people were crammed in everywhere. Elaborate decorations filled the house as if the Halloween Spirit store shipped over everything it had in stock. I’d never been to a party like this. The parties where I came from consisted of a handful of friends sitting around a bonfire on a beach, or in someone’s backyard.
“This is insane,” I shouted into Mallory’s ear as we weaved through the crowd. I noticed a large banner that read, “Happy Birthday, Shelly,” hanging from the wall behind the DJ. “Who’s Shelly?”
“Merritt’s best friend. The redhead. She acts like this whole party was meant for her.”
We reached the kitchen, and Mallory wasted no time filling two red cups with beer.
“Cheers!” She tapped her cup against mine. “Let’s go find your man.”
I scanned the room as we walked through another door at the back of the kitchen. I noticed Chase immediately, his blond hair sticking out above everyone’s heads. He was dressed as a mobster with the fake gun and cigar to match. My chest tightened. I inhaled and exhaled several times, trying to push it away. Relax. It’s just a costume.
I wouldn’t have recognized Merritt if Chase hadn’t been standing there too. Her sling was off, and her wild curls were tucked under a short black wig. She wore a stunning silver flapper costume … and a smile. I felt happy that Chase and his family were looking out for her. She’d been through so much tragedy, from what I had heard. Life without my mother was difficult, but I couldn’t imagine life without my dad on top of that. Merritt needed people like the Brooks. It was comforting to know that there were good people like them in this world.
Then I spotted Tanner. Standing by the pool tables across from the dance floor, he wore a gladiator costume. I knew I was openly gawking at his bare upper body, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. His caramel skin called to me, and I immediately wanted to reach out and touch it. From his blocky broad shoulders to his shredded stomach, with the sought-after V of his lower abdomen, he looked every part the Roman warrior. Moreover, as much as he did not like to admit it, he had the heart of a warrior, as well.
