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Austin gives me a smile that’s filled with warmth, and there’s a tenderness in his eyes as he beams at me. “Just trust yourself, Ari.”
My brother’s right. There’s a reason why I’ve always looked up to him and valued his advice. This reminder is exactly what I needed and coming from him, it means so much more to me. I’ve never had an issue trusting myself before, but today I definitely let myself get in my head about it.
I need to trust myself on the ice…
Just like I trust Leo.
He would never let me fall.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
LEO
As I walk outside of the building, I see Aria getting into her car. She was in a better mood today. All of her issues with landing a triple Axel seem to have vanished. She skated well today—flawlessly, really. It feels like I’m always in awe of her. I’m completely captivated by her beauty on and off the ice. I’ve never witnessed someone quite as graceful as she is. I’m simply caught in Aria Reed’s orbit.
After she told me her thoughts on our performance, we made some adjustments and worked through the kinks. I don’t know how many times we went through the routine today until it felt like we had it right. It’s absolutely perfect. We removed a few things Delaney and I had decided on together. Not much changed, but there are some very noticeable differences and some grand features we’ve added in.
It isn't completely different, but it's ours.
The performance and the routine belongs to no one other than Aria and I. I know it brings her peace of mind, but I like it. There's something about it never being done by anyone but the two of us that makes me feel something deep inside. It's an unfamiliar feeling. It's comforting and simultaneously exhilarating. Her in my arms as we move around the rink just feels… right.
She makes me feel more alive than I ever thought was possible.
I stop by the trunk of my car and load my things into it as I watch her pull out of her parking space. She didn't see me when she came out of the locker room with some of the other girls. I caught the tail end of her conversation, but it was all I needed to hear.
She has plans to go get dinner with Griffin.
My lungs deflate in defeat. I ruined their last date, so she's giving him another chance. I have no one to blame but myself. I've been such an asshole to her, I shouldn't blame her for wanting to spend time with someone who isn't me. I don’t want a relationship or a commitment. I shouldn’t even care.
I want her to feel secure and safe with me. I don't want to come off as a threat to her anymore. We've crossed so many lines, everything is so goddamn blurry, but I don't want any of that to come between us or our partnership.
Keeping her at arm’s length feels wrong, but I know I can't let her get close. My resolve has broken completely. If I let her in, I won't ever let her out. She's forever etched into my memories already. The sounds of her moans, the feeling of her skin. Aria Reed is under my skin and I've given up trying to figure out how to get her out. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm terrified of her. I'm terrified of the things she makes me feel. She has me questioning everything in life. She has me fucked up and I'm struggling to conceal it anymore.
She's the one who has always been a threat… I just didn't realize it until now.
She's out for my heart.
And I just might give it to her.
None of that really matters right now. Not when she's going out with another man. As much as I want to follow her and tell her she's making a mistake, I know I can't. I have to show her I'm not the asshole I've pretended to be. The things in the past—they don't matter anymore. I can let bygones be bygones and move on. There's no reason to hate her. We've both grown as people. We've grown up and have started to grow together.
I want to be a part of that. I don't want to sit on the sidelines and watch her anymore.
It's not right for me to interfere in her life, and I'm here for her whenever she needs me. There will never be strings attached. My feelings for her are no longer conditional. If Aria decides she wants nothing to do with me, I will never fault her for that. I might not like it, but that's her choice. I have no control over that. All I can do is treat her better, make her feel respected, and let her know that I care about her. Being cold to her wasn't beneficial to anyone. If anything, it was causing more of a strain between us. It was being harmful more than it was being helpful.
Griffin doesn't deserve her. I don't deserve her. If I think about it, I don't know that there is anyone who truly does. I hope she will one day see that he isn't the man she thinks he is. She doesn't know the measures he took to try to sabotage me when we were younger. Thankfully the allegations he made were never brought to light. No one that we skated with ever knew what was going on behind closed doors. When we were in high school, I beat him in a competition. He was livid and decided to retaliate. He went to the judges and claimed I was doing drugs. They launched an investigation and I wasn't allowed to skate until they cleared things.
It was all a lie, and they knew as soon as I took the drug test that came back clean. That only pissed Griffin off even more. He was at the rink the one night Aria and I skated together. We thought no one else was there, but when we were getting off the ice, I saw Griffin sneaking out of the building. The next Monday at school, he made a comment about how we looked together.
It wasn’t long after that when I saw him walking around the school with Aria on his arm.
Griffin knew exactly what he was doing then and he knows what he’s doing now. I warned her about him, and I don’t know what else I can do without it feeling like I’m crossing a boundary. It’s up to Aria to decide what happens now. I know if I see him again with her, it’s not going to end well, so it’s better if I keep my distance…
For now.
My drive home is extremely uneventful and I pull into my garage before shutting the door behind me. I slip inside the house and it’s as quiet as it always is. Though it’s far too big for one person, the location is amazing. I walk through the house until I’m stepping through the glass French doors that lead to the back deck. It’s right along the coast with a private beach at the end of the yard.
I walk over to the railing and rest my hands against it as I look out at the waves rolling in. The smell of salt and sun drifts across the sand as the breeze blows past me. It’s a cooler evening, but I don’t mind it. I look up at the sky and it’s completely clear. Being out here is the perfect place to stargaze.
