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They would say things like, I’ll believe it when you’ve been clean longer than six months. When six months passed, they changed it to a year. When that came and went and I was still clean, they took away the expiration date, but continued to reference my possible relapse.
Eventually, I started to ignore their insults. My recovery wasn’t about proving anything to either of them.
Raina rolls her eyes. “You want to know what you’re really jealous of?” She asks, taking another step in my direction. “You’re jealous of the fact that my son has a father in his life.”
I snort in laughter. “Are you serious? I have dildo’s that contribute more to my household than Mitch. How’s the job search going, Mitchell? What’s it been, four years now?” I ask the last two questions to Mitch.
“No one’s hiring,” he says in his defense toward my mother.
“I know,” she says.
I side eye them both.
“He may not have a job,” Raina says getting my attention back. “But at least he loves us enough to be here. Can’t say the same thing for Gabe’s dad. The man would rather buy you off than to be involved in your shit show of a life.”
This time, I have no snarky or quick comeback. Raina had just hit me in the only sore spot I had.
Technically, I know Gabriel can’t be with us. From my understanding, he’s still in lock down for not killing me. However, it does bother me that my son may never get to know his father.
The quiet voice in the back of my head whispers, “But if he was here, would he be around?”
I ignore the hurtful taunt. Turning away from my sister, I spot my son. He’s standing in the living room, clutching his Iron Man toy to his chest. He is my only concern and my strength.
“You’re right, Gabe’s father isn’t around,” I say, turning to face Raina. “I guess you win. I don’t know what the prize is, but you’ve won it. Does that make you feel better? Is that what you wanted out of this argument?”
She crosses her arms over her chest and turns her head away. I realized a long time ago there was no salvaging our relationship, but I at least thought I didn’t have to worry about her being my enemy.
“I’ll make it even better for you,” I say. “I’m going to take my son home to our fully furnished, forty-three hundred square foot house. With its five beds and 3.5 baths. I’m going to climb into my claw foot standalone tub and take a hot bubble bath and cry over the fact that I don’t have a dead-beat man lying beside me in my mother’s guest bedroom.”
“Go to hell, Summer,” Raina whines.
“Gladly. Come on, Gabe.” He walks over to me, his head down. “Don’t worry. I’ll find someone else to watch him next month,” I say to my mother.
“Now wait, I told you I’d say something to MJ. No need to find another sitter.”
“Let her go, Mama. The money isn’t worth it,” Raina sneers placing her hands on her hips.
“Be quiet, Rai,” Mitch tries to whisper.
It dawns on me, that’s the only reason my mother has ever tolerated my son. Not only do I pay her the $2000 a month, but I also give her money for bills anytime she needs it since my son benefits from them. Hell, it’s my money that keeps her lights on most months. Gabe means nothing to her but a little extra cash.
The realization hurts, but I’m not totally shocked.
“On second thought, you can all go fuck yourselves. I’ll open my own daycare before I pay you to watch him again.”
“Summer, don’t be that way,” my mother calls out to my back.
“Let her go. She’ll need us before we need her,” Raina shouts.
I walk out my mother’s house with my son’s hand clutched in mine. There is no love lost here today. I wanted my son to have a relationship with my family because I never did. But he has everything he needs in me and his godmother, Trina. We didn’t need anyone else.
**
I peek my head inside Gabe’s room one last time to make sure he’s still sleeping. After the shit show at my mama’s house earlier, he was anxious. It took a hot bath, four books, and a promised trip to the park to get him to fall asleep.
Closing the door to his superhero themed room, I make my way to my living room. Plopping down on the sofa, I grab my mug of ginger tea off the coffee table, tuck my legs under my butt and turn on the TV.
I’m spending my night like I do most nights, with mindless reality television. After settling on a housewife rerun, I lean my head back on the couch cushions. After all the shit that went on today, Gabriel crosses my mind.
