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Little does he know, it’s not an act.
When Nic’s words don’t seem to get a rise out of Gabe, he switches gears.
“Or maybe it’s that desperate look in her eyes. The one that calls for you to save her. That’s what got me.” Nic’s tone lowers and there is no playful bite in them. “I took one look at her, and I knew I needed to rescue her.” He goes quiet for a moment. I’m assuming he’s reflecting.
Gabriel is watching Nic so intently I wonder what he’s thinking. I wonder if Nic’s words are registering to him. Is that what Gabe sees when he looks at me? Is it why he showed up here. Do I just scream damsel in distress.
“I’m going to let you in on a secret,” Nic continues. “She doesn’t want to be saved. I tried. Do you know what she wants?” he lets go of me for a split second to transfer the bag of drugs to his gun hand. His grip is back on me, before I can even consider running.
“This is what she wants. This is all she gives a fuck about. She doesn’t deserve love. She’s incapable of loving or caring about anything else.”
Embarrassment makes my face hot. I don’t like Gabe knowing my secret. I felt when I was with him, he viewed me like a human and not the fuck up that I am. I guess it’s stupid because he is a killer, but he didn’t know my truth and I didn’t want him to.
Nic once again releases me. He transfers the bag of pills to his free hand before he turns the bag over and spills the pills out onto the floor.
I stare down at the white oblong pills scattered at my feet. My mouth waters and my heart beats rapidly. All my shit starts to fill my head. I see my dad’s lifeless body against my wall. His sad eyes when he pulled the trigger plays back in my head. Even Nic’s words seem to chase after me.
Am I incapable of love? Do I not deserve it? Is that why my mother hates me so much? The voice in my head is telling me to escape. She’s pleading with me to take one of those pills and silence all the sad and depressing thoughts.
“Don’t.”
His deep voice causes me to look up from the meds on the floor. My brown eyes clash with his green.
I lick my lips, before glancing back down.
“He’s right,” I whisper.
“No, he’s not.”
Lifting my gaze back up to Gabe’s, I stare at him.
“You’re not your father, Summer. Take it from someone who is more fucked up than you will ever be. You’re better than this.” He points to the drugs on the floor.
I want to be. God, for the first time in forever, I want to be better than this. Tears start to stream down my face. The earlier visions bombard my thoughts again. The look on my father’s face, the therapist telling me that bipolar disorder could be hereditary, all the words yelled at me by my mother play in slow motion in my mind. I just want to clear my head.
“What if I’m not?” I ask Gabe, connecting our gazes again. “What if the demons are too strong.”
“Then I’ll carry them for you. I’ll fight whatever demons you have.”
I believed him. This man has battled every monster he’s faced tonight. He came for me when no one else would have. He’s protected me, listened to me, took care of me. He has done more in one night than anyone else has done in my entire life. I truly believed that Gabriel could defeat my demons.
“Okay,” I say.
I’m not dumb enough to believe it will be that simple. I’ve been fighting this battle since I was fifteen. I knew it was going to take more than one no to defeat this monster of mine. But, for the first time, I ignore the voice in my head pleading with me to self-medicate.
Nic scoffs. I almost forgot he was here.
“I see you’re like me and you won’t learn,” he says to Gabriel before turning to me. “You’ll thank me later.”
Nic lifts the gun up and points it at my head. I shut my eyes knowing that this will be it for me. Just my luck, the day I decide to make a change would be the day I die. I wait for the gun to go off or for the pain, but nothing happens.
When I open my eyes, Nic is still beside me, but there is a knife sticking out of his throat. Gabriel walks over to Nic, he pulls the knife out, and in quick succession brings it back down on him five times. When he lets him go, Nic’s lifeless body falls to the ground. Blood pools out of his neck wound.
I turn to look at Gabriel and his gaze is on me. His chest heaves up and down, but he doesn’t say anything. Then, he scoops me up in his arms, again holding me like a bride on her wedding day and carries me out of the room.
“Close your eyes,” he whispers as we go to descend the stairs.
I’m pretty sure what he is trying to keep me from seeing is more dead bodies. Honestly, I’ve seen so many tonight I should be immune to the sight. However, I still shut my eyes and tuck my head against his large chest listening to the steady beat of his heart.
