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It didn’t matter as he picked up his pace and fisted my hips to pump harder.
It didn’t matter he took my body against my will.
I was free of him.
Free of Victor. Of Henri. Of nightmares.
My fingers might be entwined with Rachel’s as we faced each other. Our breath might mingle with every vicious thrust, our lips near enough to kiss. She might rock in the same primal rhythm, driven forward and back by my twin flame as he made love to her.
But it wasn’t real.
It wasn’t love.
It was rape on both their accounts.
Every facet of Henri was dead. His face, his eyes, his energy.
He thrust like a robot, blank stare, and hollow heart.
The man I’d accepted as mine no longer lived inside that shell.
He was free like me…detached and dissociated from reality.
But what was reality?
Could the freedom and light I floated in be our true reality, while down there, where everything was evil and hardship, the illusion?
A dream.
Nothing but a hologram, a hallucination, something that would end and fade.
I floated around the gargoyles and angels of Victor’s parapets as he used me. I disassociated all over again and sank into a mediative calmness unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
Golden light enveloped me, blocking out all sights and sounds and senses.
It cradled me until I lost all touch with my mortal body; I hovered in ultimate freedom.
A part of me knew it couldn’t last.
Beauty and wonder such as this could never exist forever.
But while it did, I was grateful.
So grateful to find a way to be untouchable all while being touched. Protected all while being used. I no longer sensed Henri or Rachel. No longer suffered hate or fear or pain.
Wisdom that didn’t come from me blanketed my entire soul, wrapping me up in protection full of forgiveness, courage, and truth.
Time drifted without me under its influence.
Days could’ve passed.
Weeks.
And my golden light didn’t falter.
But then…finally, a feathering tug from my body to my soul.
A fishing hook digging into my spirit, reeling me back on a nylon line I couldn’t escape.
