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I stood outside of her room listening to orders being yelled around and I think they almost felt as desperate as I did.
But it wasn’t their world, their love, their wife lying dead in that bed; it was mine.
Dr. Stein, who had been the attending doctor on her case, finally came out of the room. He gave me a very somber look and put a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry.”
I took a deep breath.
“Can I sit with her?”
“For a few moments, but then we have to move her,” he said.
I nodded and pushed the door open. The room was empty except for a nurse who was removing Jane’s I.V.
“She just looks like she’s sleeping,” I said softly.
“A definite sleeping beauty,” the nurse replied. “Will you be okay alone?”
“Yeah. I just want to sit here.”
She nodded and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Jane. I sat down next to her again and I ran my hand over her hair.
I wanted so desperately for her to react, to breathe, and to do anything to show me that she was still alive.
But she didn’t.
Her chest didn’t go up and down.
Her eyes didn’t blink.
And her hand—now cold—didn’t squeeze mine.
“I’m glad it doesn’t hurt anymore,” I said. “I’m glad that you’re probably in a place where you can walk anywhere you want and you’re as radiant as ever. I’m glad that I got to know you and love you for the small amount of time that I did. I’m glad that I got to marry you before you left.”
I felt it coming and I wasn’t going to try to hold it back.
“But how the fuck am I supposed to do this without you?” I blurted out angrily.
I started to cry harder than I had in the elevator. I put my head on her stomach and let myself grieve her. Even though she had just “left” I already felt enough pain to last a thousand lifetimes.
“Nolan? It’s time to go.”
I recognized Dr. Bright’s voice and I got to my feet without so much as a glance at him. I kissed Jane for the last time, closing my eyes tightly.
“I love you so much,” I managed to say.
I walked out of her room and past the waiting room where my parents called out my name. I walked down the stairs from the eighth floor and straight out of the hospital.
I looked up bitterly at the night sky, searching for the perfect, newest Starr in Heaven.
Chapter Nineteen
Nolan
Friday, July 5th 8:00 AM
I woke up on my twenty-third birthday on my parents couch. Jane’s body had been brought back to Paris. Aaron had asked me if it was okay with me, I told him that I felt it was the right thing to do.
