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Nolan
Wednesday, July 3rd 11:01 PM
Jane had closed her eyes about ten minutes after we got married and hadn’t opened them since. Father Lucian went straight to the courthouse to make it legal so that none of us would have to leave her bedside.
Stella would occasionally come in and sit to read her some books that were in the waiting room. Liam came in once and when he saw his beloved Starr as sick as she was, he walked right out and never came back in.
Aaron would pace the room incessantly and Jessie would periodically run a brush through Jane’s hair.
I had taken up shop to her left, and even wild horses wouldn’t be able to move me away from her side.
Around six o’clock that night, they had brought in a heart monitor. They said they needed to keep track of the beating because she wasn’t as strong as she was when she first got there.
The damn beeping was driving me crazy, but I stood to reason that I would rather hear the beeping than not.
At seven they came in and took her dialysis machine out of the room.
By eight o’clock, I was paging the nurse to find out why they hadn’t brought it back yet. Five minutes after that, Dr. Kowalski entered the room.
“There’s no point in continuing dialysis. Her kidneys are irreparably damaged. We haven’t found any donors who are a match to her blood type and her blood pressure is through the roof. It’s just a matter of how long she wants to hold on, now,” she said to us gently.
Aaron finally stopped pacing and sat down next to Jessie, who started to cry uncontrollably. I asked him if I could bring Stella and Liam in to say goodbye to Jane, and he said yes.
Liam refused. He said that he didn’t want to see Jane sick and he would see her when she got home, and she was doing better. Stella stood up like a big girl and held my hand all the way to the room. When she entered, she climbed the bed carefully and put her head on Jane’s chest, wrapping an arm around her waist. She didn’t cry until her father told her it was time for her to go back to the waiting room ten minutes later.
“I love you, Janey,” she shrieked over and over as he dragged her out of the room.
Nine o’clock came and went and Jane’s monitor was still beeping steadily.
Jessie was still crying.
Aaron was looking out the window, with his hands in his pockets.
I was still sitting next to her.
I rolled my wedding ring around and around on my finger. Something had to give. Something had to get better. Someone as bright and loving as Jane couldn’t die like this.
It wasn’t fair.
Ten-thirty rolled around and her heart rate started to slow down according to the monitor. Jessie burst into hysterical tears and ran from the room.
I could swear she said, “I can’t be here when she dies.” but I wasn’t eighty-five percent sure.
Aaron sighed deeply and went over to Jane. He kissed her on her forehead and told her that he loved her. On his way out of the room he put a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Nolan.”
I looked up at him, “So am I.”
He nodded and walked out of the room to find his wife.
I ran my thumb over the top of Jane’s hand and watched her breathing become labored.
“If you get better, we can take that walk on the beach,” I whispered to her.
At eleven-oh-one, the monitor flat-lined.
I was swarmed by doctors and nurses who pretty much shoved me out of the door and tried to resuscitate her.
