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“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just came in because the heat was making me more tired,” he said, punctuating his sentence with a yawn. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop either, but why do you need to go see Dr. Bright tomorrow?”
“You know that nuclear blast of iron and calcium that he keeps giving me? Apparently it’s doing good things in the femur department.”
“That’s awesome!” he said happily.
“Between you and me, I feel like I can do just about anything,” I said with a grin.
“I’m sure you can, Janey. Now all we need is a phone call from Dr. Kowalski saying that they’ve either found some kidneys for you or that your kidneys are healing, and I’ll be the happiest man in the world.”
“I planned on calling her today,” I replied, rolling my eyes.
He wasn’t going to be happy until I was one hundred percent better, even though he knew that my personal best had always been eighty-five percent.
“Don’t be mad at me, Janey. I just hate that you got worse because of me,” he said quietly.
I took a deep breath and mustered all the patience that I possibly could.
“Nolan, I’m not mad. You have to understand that my having ESRD is ultimately my own fault. I chose not to have the surgery and so the infection spread. My fault; not yours. Me falling down the steps at PPG? Accident; no one’s fault. I need you to stop blaming yourself for shit that you did not do.”
He cleared his throat but didn’t say anything. Instead, he looked like an angry little boy that had just been scolded.
And I couldn’t help but laugh.
He reminded me of Liam when Mom or Dad would say the magical words, “time out.”
Suddenly, he walked past me and grabbed the phone. I moved to the side to give him space, but he pulled me back toward him.
“Yes, hi. This is Nolan Ransom; I was looking for Dr. Kowalski please.” He paused for a moment. “Right, in regards to Jane East.”
“What are you doing?” I asked quietly.
He held up a hand before he spoke into the phone again, “Hi Dr. Kowalski. It’s Nolan. Yeah I have her here with me. I’m gonna put you on speaker, hold on.”
He hit the button and placed the phone on the small island in the kitchen.
“Okay, we’re here,” he said.
“Hello, Jane! How are you feeling?” Dr. Kowalski asked.
“I’m fine. I’m so sorry if we bothered you. We were just wondering if there’s any news,” I said.
“Unfortunately we haven’t heard from the NKF yet. I also haven’t gotten your last test results back,” she said apologetically.
“Oh. Okay. Sorry again for bothering you,” I said dejectedly.
“Dr. Kowalski, there was something else that I think Jane wanted to ask you,” Nolan said, grabbing onto my chair again.
“Shoot Jane,” she said kindly.
I looked at him questioningly.
“I told you that I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” he said lowering his voice and covering the receiver, “But I heard what you asked Dr. Bright.”
My face drained of color, and I felt completely embarrassed. He walked around behind me and put his arms around my shoulders. Resting his chin on my shoulder, he gave me a soft kiss on the neck.
“I love you, no matter what. You know that, don’t you? I don’t want you to hurt yourself for something you think I need or deserve or whatever your reason is.”
“Hello?”
