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“He’ll be here in fifteen.” Joe ran his hand through my hair and bent his head until we were eye to eye. “Breathe, Ada. Kids get sick. You’ve been a nanny for years. Have none of your other kids ever gotten sick?”
“He got sick a lot as a baby, Ada. He probably just caught a bug. Dr. Morgan is amazing with him, though, so you can relax.” He saw me tug at my hair and winced. “Or at least try to.”
“Why don’t you go shower while we wait on Dr. Morgan?” Joe’s nose scrunched and his upper lip curled. “He really got you.”
I bit my lip and moved away from them, giving them some space from my stink. “I’ll just wait over here. I’ll feel better once Dr. Morgan says he’s okay.”
“Jud, you should call Stella and give her a heads up.” Joe sighed. “You remember how much she freaked out last time Dr. Morgan came to check on Milo and no one called her.”
“I’ll call her after he leaves.” Jud looked over at me as he gently rocked Milo in his arms. “Milo’s mom. She’s touring with her band right now.”
We’d briefly talked about Milo’s mom before but I couldn’t remember anything he’d told me right then. I wrapped my arms around myself and chewed on my lip. I hated seeing Milo sick and not knowing what to do. I realized all at once that I was not equipped to be a nanny and I’d never felt like more of a fake.
52
***Ada***
Dr.Morgancameandwent. Milo just had some sort of bug. The doctor gave him medicine to break the fever and told Jud what medicine to pick up from the store to help with Milo’s stomach ache. Milo had already calmed down so much before the doctor left and after, he fell asleep in Jud’s arms. I volunteered to go to the store and even managed to drive myself since the guys were distracted when I left.
Being in my own car was strange after being driven around and chauffeured in limos. It was a stark reminder of who I really was. I couldn’t break the overwhelming feeling of guilt. A real nanny would’ve been able to help Milo right away without freaking out. I was a fraud. I’d never even considered that the kids could possibly suffer because of my lies.
That same guilt ate at me and kept me in Milo’s room at his side throughout the whole night. The guys came and checked on us but they eventually left. Even Jud left to sleep after sitting next to me for hours. He’d begged me to lay down with him but I just couldn’t.
When I heard Alex and Avery calling for me early the next morning, I already knew what it was. I called Jud into Milo’s room and then I hurried into the twins’ room with the over the counter medicine I’d picked up the day before. Sure enough, they were both throwing up and worse. I changed sheets and got rid of soiled clothing while the boys took turns in their bathroom. I was in the middle of giving them medicine when I heard Kendall groaning from the hallway.
“Ada?”
I closed my eyes and took a breath before diving into the day from hell. I cleaned up messes that were horrific and ran between the kids’ rooms, making sure they each had everything they needed. Sara, the housekeeper, only came on certain days and the kids got sick on her off day. On one of the many times Collin peeked in the twins, he suggested I leave the mess for Sara and I’d nearly lost it. He was standing far enough away that he couldn’t smell everything I was smelling. If I left it for Sara, they’d have to burn the whole house down to get rid of the smell.
I felt hopeful when Milo showed signs of improvement after lunch. That meant that whatever had gone around was probably only a twenty-four hour bug. The older kids were still miserable but I was able to get everyone in the twins’ play room that afternoon. I set up a movie for them to watch and took a break to splash cold water in my face. What I saw looking back at me wasn’t great.
The moment I saw the green tint to my skin, I felt the sickness I’d been fighting off. Rushing to the toilet, I threw up violently and swore. I didn’t have the time to get sick. The kids needed me. The guys were all going out to an event that night and I was going to be alone with the kids. In an effort to fight off what I was feeling I downed half a bottle of Pepto and went back to the kids.
It was beyond obvious to me within a few hours, though, that I wasn’t going to be in good enough shape to take care of anyone. The guys found me sweating and holding back vomit while trying to change the movie for the kids. I could barely stand up straight but I was doing my best.
“Alright, this isn’t going to work.” Jud shrugged out of his suit jacket and tossed it over the back of a toy box. “I’m going to stay here and take care of this. You two go without me.”
I swayed as I turned too fast to argue with Jud. “No, no. I can handle this. You go to your party.”
“Jesus. Maybe we should all cancel…” Joe sighed. “Fuck. Okay. I’ll go. I’ll make an appearance and-”
“We’re both giving speeches.” Collin looked at Jud. “Are you sure? We could probably call someone in to help.”
“There’s no time. I’ve got this. You two go. I didn’t want to go anyway. We all know I’d rather be cleaning up puke than mingling with that crowd.”
I shook my head and had to brace myself against the wall to keep from falling. “I can call my friend. She’s a nanny next door. She can come.”
“I’m staying.” Jud grasped my arms and slowly led me to the low-slung couch that Kendall was curled up on. “Sit down and try not to spread your germs around too much.”
Joe walked over and kissed the top of Kendall’s head before doing the same to me. “Feel better. We won’t be gone too long.”
Collin lifted his hand in a wave from the doorway. “Joe is braver than I am. I’m not good at throwing up.”
I waved him off and rested my head on the arm of the couch. “Sure. Of course.”
Jud sighed. “You were just going to run yourself to death up here by yourself. How long have you been feeling sick?”
I waved him away. “It’s time for the kids’ medicine again. I’m just going to sit right here and close my eyes for a minute. I’ll feel better in just a minute.”
