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‘Billionaire. Right,’ she says scornfully. ‘I’m not leaving New Zealand. My life is here.’
My gaze drops to the baby and I see her defensively tighten her hold on him. She looks scared.
‘And my life is there.’ I pause. ‘Lukas belongs to us both.’
‘So what are you suggesting? Should we chop him in two?’
I dislike myself intensely at this moment. She really didn’t want me to know. She doesn’t want my input with Lukas. That hurts. I’m independent. In control. I’ve had no control here in this. I grit my teeth at the realisation that I’m not going anywhere without her. ‘I’ll delay my return to Australia. We need time to sort this out. But I’d like you to stay with me so we can take advantage of Lukas’s nap times to talk.’ I look down at her. ‘I’m trying to compromise, Talia.’
She hesitates. ‘It’ll take me a while to pack. Give me the hotel address and I’ll meet you there.’
‘I’ll sit down and hold him while you get on with it.’
She doesn’t expect that. Honestly, I’ve surprised myself too. I’m not exactly an experienced baby-handler and I give a mutter of thanks that one of the women in HR returned recently to show off her new baby and they made a deal of me cradling her baby. It means I’ve the smallest notion of what to do now.
Honorary fun uncle was the extent of what I was aiming for in life. I have no siblings, so real uncle was never going to happen. Nor was having a wife. That last one still isn’t.
Talia doesn’t move and I stare at her. Frustration surges at her obvious reluctance. I take a seat on the edge of that too small bed and hold my arms out. She finally steps forward. Our hands brush as she places Lukas into my arms. I look down at him and it’s a good thing I already took a seat because my legs suddenly empty of strength.
He’s a beautiful boy. Curling eyelashes. Unblemished pink cheeks. He’s tiny and so light that I’m terrified I’ll crush him—my son.
My heart stalls. I never wanted this—never so much as imagined it. But now he’s here and in a split second of clarity I know I’ll never, ever give him up. He’s mine. I’m awash with a feeling unlike any other. Protectiveness obliterates all other emotion. I’ll do anything to ensure his safety. He’ll be with me. Always. Involuntarily I glance up at her and our gazes mesh.
So will she.
A whisper of equal clarity that I want to reject. Other feelings surge. I focus on the anger. I can’t trust her but I need her—Lukas needs her. And I’m going to need defences to deal with her.
Her deep brown eyes are like pools—sombre and intense.
‘Something wrong?’ My voice has roughened to sandpaper.
‘No.’ Abrupt, she glances away.
It’s a lie.
‘Talia—’ I raise my voice but break off as I remember. I look down at the innocent baby in my arms and then look back up at her. ‘I’m not fighting with you in front of Lukas. Not ever.’
CHAPTER SEVEN
Talia
THERE’S SUCH SAVAGERY in his whisper I step back but I can’t help looking at them again. He’s still studying Lukas, intently absorbing every detail as if he’s never seen a baby before. I’m unable to move—literally arrested by the sight of my son and his father finally together. Lukas looks tiny as Dain carefully cradles him. There’s such a ‘them’ about this moment—an intimacy I’m intruding on. This should have happened three months ago. It should have happened the day Lukas was born.
Loss hits me, yearning and, yes, remorse. Each blow knocks the breath from my body. The regret isn’t only for the delay in this, but the realisation that we’re not a family. My son doesn’t have that. I don’t have that—a partner to offer not just support and security but love.
I remember the day of Lukas’s birth. I missed Dain—I wanted to hold his hand through the delivery. I haven’t let myself think about that since. But I cried, alone—and scared.
He’s angry with me. He’s right to be. I ran away from the conflict—the rejection—just as my mother always did. I already know I wouldn’t fit into his world. Wealthy people like him live on a planet that has no place for me except as an employee. I’ve been told in no uncertain terms, repeatedly by one of the rich jerks my mother fell for and by his daughter, who I thought was my friend. But I was merely her charity case.
I turn away, angry with him too. For never replying. Never returning to Queenstown. For having other priorities in his life. But we were only ever supposed to have been a moment and it’s unreasonable of me to have wanted otherwise.
I pack quickly. I’m used to taking only what I can carry so I’m pretty minimalist. It’s the extra things for Lukas that slow me—his nappies and clothes, his few toys, his bassinet and bedding.
‘You don’t have a pram?’
I shove a toy into my backpack and answer shortly. ‘I use a sling for now.’
I would’ve loved a pram or buggy to take him on walks but there’s no way I could get a pram up the stairs and there’s nowhere to store it in the café. Besides which, I couldn’t afford it. It’s less than five minutes before everything is stowed.
