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Tess
My legs don’t work right as they carry me around the cabin, searching for my brother and his wife. They keep trembling, knees knocking, like I’m a baby deer on her first day of walking. If Ash were still here, I’d make a joke about his size and how I’ll never walk straight again.
But Ash isn’t here anymore. Is he? He strode back into the trees, back toward his makeshift camp. So he can pack up and leave like I asked him to.
My insides quail at the thought of him going, and my knees shake like they might actually give way. I’m flashing hot and cold, sickly and miserable, stumbling around like a weirdo, and god, I don’t know what I’m doing right now. Don’t know what’s right.
All I know is the look of horror on Rowan’s face when he rounded the cabin and saw us together. The shock—the betrayal.
It’s everything I’ve been dreading.
“Evie?” I call out, too chicken-shit to call for my brother directly. “Are you there?”
“By the wood pile,” my sister in law calls back, way too cheery for this situation.
Turning my feet, I navigate the sloping mountainside, knock-kneed and panicking, dried pine needles crunching under my feet. A pair of squirrels chase each other up a nearby tree, their little claws skittering, tails bobbing in the evening light.
The wood pile is stored under cover around the back of the cabin, by that stump where Ash was chopping earlier. I’ve come full circle, from charging up this mountain with so much desperate hope, to stumbling back with shame-reddened cheeks.
My brother stands by the chopping stump, his arms crossed, talking with Evie in low voices. The ax is still wedged firmly in the stump, and my stomach lifts the tiniest fraction at that.
If Rowan were really upset, he’d be chopping logs like a robot right now. Trying to sweat the bad feelings away. The fact that he’s chatting to Evie instead, a pile of unsplit logs by his side…
Relief pierces my chest. My last few steps toward them are steadier.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt, right as Rowan looks over and opens his mouth. He shuts it again, mouth pressing together in a grim line. His gray eyes are unreadable as they rest on me. “I never meant for you to see that.”
Evie snorts from over by the wood pile, where she’s stacking the newest logs to dry out. They’re not heavy but she’s going one by one, because, you know. She’s heavily pregnant. “No shit. Though, for future hookups with Ash, can I recommend the Great Indoors?”
Rowan’s mouth twitches, then settles back into its dour line. Taking a deep breath, I speak directly to my big brother.
“There won’t be other hookups. Ash is leaving. It’s over. And we’re both really, really sorry, Rowan. We never meant to hurt you.”
Confusion flits across my brother’s tanned face, before he curses quietly and shakes his head. Glancing over at Evie, he says, “You were right, sweetheart. As usual.” Turning back to me, he adds: “You haven’t hurt me. What you and Ash do is your business.”
Um. What?
“Told you,” Evie says, filling the sudden awkward silence. She stacks one more log then wanders over to us, brushing wood fragments off the front of her sundress. “I told you both. Jeez, why doesn’t anyone listen to me around here? I told you,” she points at me, “to give Rowan more credit and let him handle it like an adult. And I told you,” her dainty finger swings around to her husband, “to go ahead and give them your blessing and save us all the worry. But oh no, no one listens to the wise pregnant lady. Now I’m mad too. Motherfuckers.”
“Evie,” Rowan says gently, jerking his chin at her massive third trimester bump. “The baby.”
“What? It’s not like he can hear in there.”
“I’m pretty sure he can.”
“Seriously? Huh. Wow.” Evie glances back at the cabin, her red hair glossy in the fading sunshine. “I should go play him some tunes, then. Get an early start. Make sure he doesn’t take after his dad and listen to nothing but whiny soft rock.”
Rowan grins, his white teeth flashing, and I swear to god, I’ve never seen my big brother look so relaxed. So amused. Not since he joined the military all those years ago.
And… he’s really fine. Really okay with this. He’s not yelling or disappearing back to his cave; not chopping logs like a crazed robot. Rowan really doesn’t care—he’s uncomfortable to be having this conversation, sure, and less than thrilled to find that peep show on his deck. All fair. But…
“You really don’t mind?” The words scrape out of my tight throat. “You’re okay with this?”
Just like that, Rowan sobers up again. When he turns to face me head on, his gray eyes are mournful.
“Yes, I’m okay with this, Tess. Not that I should get a vote at all. I’m just sorry that you ever had to tiptoe around me. Sorry that I ever made you worry so badly. And please believe that the last thing I want is for you to put your life on hold for me now. Evie’s right—I should have said all this sooner.” He scrubs his face, then lets both arms fall. “But I guess I hoped you already knew.”
It’s the longest speech my taciturn brother has ever made—to me, anyway. And it’s like he’s reached out and lifted a huge weight off my shoulders, because suddenly my knees aren’t buckling anymore. Suddenly my back is straight and my heart is light. When I step back, my legs are steady.
