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“You’re at the top, and if anyone else was ever on it, I don’t remember.”
“How did I end up on this list exactly?” I can hear the hesitation in her voice, the confusion at us even having this discussion. But I’ve waited for this opening with her for so long, I can’t let it go without trying.
“A sundress.”
“A sundress?” There’s a small, stuttered laugh that falls from her lips.
“Remember a couple of summers ago when we were all supposed to go fishing? But then Lizzy wanted to sleep in, and you and Rob had that fight?”
“Yeah. I remember. I had no business being on a boat, let alone fishing.”
“But you came anyway. With a sundress and no sunscreen. I had to put some on your shoulders, and your skin was so damn soft, Trix. You were so sweet, and I could see where your eyes were still red from him making you cry. It killed me.”
“I was embarrassed. Your parents heard us fighting, and I just wanted to be anywhere that wasn’t the house.” Her brow furrows at the memory.
“I know. Which is why I took you out on the boat even though it took all my self-control not to say anything. Especially with the way you looked. How quiet you were. So I just promised myself I’d make you laugh and forget things for a few hours. Teach you something to get your mind off it. Try to get my mind off you in the process.”
“You did. I had a lot of fun that day. It felt like I could forget for a bit, and I honestly didn’t want to go back to shore.”
“Me either. I wanted to kiss you that day. So fucking bad it hurt.”
“I’m glad you didn’t,” she whispers, and I still my hands in response.
I can hear my heart pounding in my ears, and I’m nervous I fucked up by confessing it to her. I don’t know what I’m doing with her, even when I think I do. I start to pull away, but she stops me, her palm over the top of my knuckles, and a soft sound from her has me holding still. “I wouldn’t have appreciated it then the way I would now. If you’d kissed me at the fair…” She trails off, and the pounding in my ears is nearly deafening.
“I’ll kiss you anytime you want. Anywhere you want.”
She must like my confession because she tilts her head and looks up at me, the ghost of a smile crosses her face before her eyes drop to my mouth. It’s all the encouragement I need from her before I lean over to kiss her. I’m careful, so careful, gently brushing my lips over hers and giving her the chance to push me away if she wants. It’s almost too good to be true. Like for once in my life, birthday wishes are real because I’m finally getting something I’ve wanted for ages.
Except she doesn’t push back, she returns it—kissing me like she wants me. With a kind of greediness that makes me think I’m not the only one who’s imagined this before now. She tastes sweet like the cake batter she’s fixing, and I brush my tongue over her lower lip for another taste before hers darts out and tangles with mine. I thread my fingers through her hair, and her hands wander down my chest.
For a moment, I have everything I’ve ever wanted. But then her hand presses down gently, and she takes a step back. Her lashes fluttering, and her gaze falling to the floor.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” she whispers, and the words crash through my daze. Battering my thoughts as she retreats, and putting the ocean of what-ifs back in between us.
“Why not?” My brain honestly can’t come up with a single good reason, but if she has them, I’ll listen.
Her brow furrows, and she looks at me for a moment and then away.
“You’re my landlord now, for starters.”
“That’s temporary.”
“You’re his brother.”
“You said you wouldn’t hold that against me.”
She levels me with a look. “I don’t, but… this can’t go anywhere. Not really. I mean, not that it could anyway. You don’t do serious, and right now, neither do I.”
“So it doesn’t have to be serious. It just has to be fun. And you already know I’m fun.” I’m bargaining with her. Bargaining with myself, really, because I’ll take whatever she gives me.
She smiles, one that’s sincere and travels all the way to her eyes as she looks me over. “You are a lot of fun.”
“So I don’t see the problem.”
Her eyes dart back to some distant spot behind me, and she fidgets with the spoon in her hand like she’s still trying to reason herself out of this.
“I’m on your list. You’re on mine. We’re both adults. You’ve already kissed me. Slept in my bed. Might as well take full advantage of the hospitality around here.” I give her a laundry list of reasons we should jump into the deep end. Ones I’ve told myself a million times.
