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He told me he and his buddies were getting together on Saturday for the Bruins’ game, but I also set aside that invitation due to my lack of balls. Especially when he warned me that Kellen and Mason sometimes showed up with their men.
Nope.
Definitely not.
Drake might be okay with my having fucked old acquaintances of his, but the idea of being in front of Kellen after I’d admitted to how much I wanted Drake—and him finding out his friend and co-worker I lusted over was my stepbrother?
Yeah, not happening.
I focused on computer stuff, doing some investigating for clients and website building for two others. Enough tasks sat on my to-do list to keep me busy for a month straight, but the problem?
I didn’t allow time for me to work through my issues that would one day need to be dealt with.
Nancy reminded me of that fact. It was a Friday morning, almost three weeks since I’d seen Drake. She’d begun calling me on her way to work once a week, and I looked forward to connecting with her in ways I never had with Jacqueline.
“How are you, my sweet boy?” she asked, her kind voice, the affection bleeding over the line enough to make my eyes burn.
“Hanging in there.” I’d told her all about New York. Drake. Him letting me go so to as not be a distraction while I figured my life out.
“Have you spoken with him lately?”
“A few days ago.” I leaned onto my kitchen table, ignoring my piece of French bread toast.
“And he’s still being patient and understanding?” she questioned, a hint of a threat in her voice if I said no.
I chuckled, glancing at the empty chair beside me I wished he sat in. “Always.”
“That boy fits you like a puzzle piece, Preston.”
“I know, Mom,” I rasped, my lips flatlining over the ache in my heart.
“I wish I could give you the answers, show you the best route to take toward happiness, but that’s something we have to decide on our own.”
I picked at the cold crust before brushing my fingertips clear of crumbs. “Do you regret your choice to transition?”
“Not once,” she stated without hesitation.
“Even when Jacqueline was screaming at you? Calling you all those vile names?”
“I won’t lie and say it didn’t hurt, or that cutting her from my life was an easy experience to endure, but I would endure it ten times over since doing so has allowed me to live my truth and I’ve once more found love. The kind that can’t be broken. The forever, happily ever after you read about in your romance novels.”
I swallowed hard, wishing I could have what she and Michael did.
“Have you considered going to therapy?” Nancy asked.
“No. You know I struggle with sharing my feelings about much of anything outside you—and now Drake.”
“I never would have lowered my defenses or been vulnerable with Michael if I hadn’t. Perhaps you should take a step that way first. Maybe dealing with the unresolved trauma from your childhood will make the other paths before you a little clearer.”
But I didn’t want to unearth my secrets. Couldn’t imagine having to dig through the sludge of my emotions, dissect where they stemmed from, or study them in detail to better understand my inner thought processes and patterns.
Jacqueline lay at the root of it all, and some days I wished her away only to experience guilt for feeling that way about my biological mother. She’d never been the nurturing caretaker. That had always been Nancy.
And Jacqueline had made her leave.
I hung up with Mom a few seconds later since she’d arrived at work, but I didn’t get up from the table.
The more I focused on the negative, the bitterness festering inside me intensified. Jacqueline didn’t deserve my love or loyalty, but whenever she’d called recently, she’d sounded invested in my life and swayed me back toward wanting to have a relationship with her again.
