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“Whoa.” He dips his head back, but I nuzzle my head harder into his chest and he holds me tighter. “It’s okay. What’s wrong? Was there a near-miss with Grandma Ethel and Dori? I knew I should’ve called in.”
I shake my head and pull back, rising up on my knees.
He lies on the bed, one hand grasping mine as though he’s afraid I’m going to run away. Which, oddly enough, never even came to mind this time around.
“You’re scaring me,” he says, his voice rough.
“Adam, did we ever discuss having kids?”
He maneuvers our hands so that he’s winding his fingers with mine. I already know the answer before he says, “Sure. We were married.”
“No, I mean closer to the time I left. Were we trying?”
He sits up quickly. “Did you remember something?” The excitement on his face makes me feel terrible.
I shake my head. “No.”
He looks away for a moment. “Well, we wanted them. Especially after Cora got pregnant with Brody. You know how it is, the teenage fantasy of having your kids grow up with our best friends’ kids. You went off the pill a few months before you left, but I mean, we weren’t disappointed when you’d get your period or anything. We weren’t taking temperatures and you weren’t putting your legs over your head like you see in movies.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.”
He sits with his back to the headboard and grabs my hands. “You have something to tell me. I can tell.”
I nod and tears break free once more.
“Oh, Luce, you know I’m here for you.”
I wait until my breathing evens out and figure I just need to get it all out in the open. What happens, happens. “I found out why I walked out on you today.”
His eyes widen. “So you did remember?”
I shake my head and he tilts his, understandably confused.
“Turns out that around the time I left, I was seeing Dr. Ramirez and I had some tests done which I’m assuming was behind your back.” I swipe my tears away with the back of my hand. “I found out today that I can’t have kids. Well, I might be able to, but not without fertility treatments. I also found out right before I left you, I just didn’t remember.”
“What? Are you sure?” He searches my face, and I see the pain I expected in his hazel eyes.
I nod. “I’m sure.”
“We should go for a second opinion.”
I look him straight in the eye. “The doctor today was my second opinion. She looked at the same results Dr. Ramirez did. That’s why I left you, Adam. Because I couldn’t bear your children. I understand if you want to leave me now. I can’t give you what you want.”
He’s silent, brooding, as his gaze digs into mine. “Do you want to leave me?”
“I want you to have the life you’ve always wanted. The one you deserve.”
“You’re what I want, Luce. You. That’s all.”
I sigh and bury my head in a pillow. I really want to scream in it, but I hold back. “I know you want a big family. You’ve always made that known.”
“You said fertility treatments are an option. There might be a chance.”
“Do you know how much it costs? And the chances are so slim. It tears happy couples apart. I saw it with my parents. Even after they had Zane, they never got back to who they were as a couple, the love they had for one another. I could never go through that with you.”
He slides out of the bed. “What are you saying?” The edge in his voice scares me.
“I don’t want to do fertility treatments, but I also don’t want you to wake up one day and resent me. First I took away your opportunity to play football, then your drawing—”
