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20
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I tookone last look at her and closed the laptop in frustration. I got back to work for real this time, throwing myself into what I was doing and trying to completely shut her out of my mind.
By the time evening came around I sat in my car for five minutes deciding whether I should go to her or not. Part of me wanted to go to her and part of me wasn’t ready.
That first week when we were just fucking and there was nothing else on the table, I’d convinced myself that I was fine with that.
But then she had to go and change shit, again. Like she was the puppeteer and I was just her little wooden toy on a fucking string. Like she hadn’t learned shit, or she was just too fucking inconsiderate to care.
In the end I went back to my place and after hitting the on sight gym and doing a few laps in the pool I threw a steak on the grill and made myself a salad.
I poured myself a glass of wine while the steak was cooking and decided to check in on her again. I was just in time to see her heading out the door.
Her phone rang less than a minute later. “Hello?”
“Where are you going?” On the camera I saw her look around as if expecting me to appear.
“Um, I’m going to pick up dinner at Alfonzo’s.”
“You’ve got thirty minutes.” I hung up the phone and watched her look at hers before high tailing it to the car.
I noticed that she drove herself because the driver was already gone for the day if he’d been there at all. I’ll have to take her to task for that. She wasn’t allowed to drive without me, or the driver.
Who knows what she’s been doing those months we were apart, but now that I was back in the picture there’s no way I’m letting her endanger herself. She can’t fucking drive to save her life.
I gave her thirty minutes because I know how long it takes to get there and back. I also know that she calls in her order before going to pick it up, so if she’d had other plans she’d messed up by lying.
I timed her and saw her pull back in twenty-five minutes later.
We had dinner together though she didn’t know it, she at the kitchen island and me at mine. And when it was over I took Max out for a run before coming home and going to bed after checking on her one last time.
She seemed fine so I turned it off for the night and went to bed. In the morning I woke up way earlier than necessary and just laid there staring up at the ceiling.
My morning wood made a tent under the sheet I had thrown over my hip and I looked down at myself. What a fucking waste. I should be waking up inside her.
That prompted me to go check the laptop and make sure she was okay. Once again she was asleep, this time on her stomach with the covers kicked off as was usual.
She only wore a thin camisole that came to her waist and nothing else. I could barely make out the pattern of my name on her back but just knowing it was there made me harder.
I got up and took a shower wondering what laid ahead for the day. It was Friday, which meant the weekend starts tomorrow. I had nothing planned and my desk was almost empty. I could easily take the day off, have a long weekend and jump back in on Monday.
I gave it some thought while I was in the shower and by the time I came out I had a plan in mind. The good thing about this time around is that I don’t have to check my plans with her.
Something else I’d done in the name of being human and understanding. I thought that giving her what she wanted made her happy, not true.
Next time, if there is a next time, I’m going to do things the way I should’ve to begin with and forget societal norms. I’d restrained myself for her sake, but no more.
I hope she doesn’t come to regret telling me that she wanted us to get back together. But I have a feeling she might. Especially if she was expecting us to just fall back into the old way of doing things.
There was an alert for a personal message when I unplugged my phone from the charger. When I saw her name I realized that I’d never deleted it.
I clicked on the message and started to read. “Hello Jacob, I don’t know if what I’m about to say will mean anything to you, or if it’s too late, but I know I have to try.
“First let me say that I never stopped loving you, not once. Not even when I thought you cheated on me. I know that probably doesn’t mean much to you any more but I just wanted you to know.”
“I’m truly sorry that I didn’t trust you, I should never have doubted you, I know that now. But back then everything was crazy and I guess I wasn’t thinking straight.”
