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“But why?” As my wife questioned her friend my mind raced. Is that what had happened? I’d never once given something like that any thought.
Who would want to come between us? No one had approached me, well, not in any unusual way. Women are always propositioning me, but there was never any reason to believe that any of them would go that far. And what about her? Had someone been after my wife?
As soon as I asked myself that question her friend brought it up. “No, nothing beyond the usual. You know guys are always hitting on us, but no one that I would take seriously.”
“Then it’s a mystery. But okay, what’s the problem now? Obviously he’s interested or he wouldn’t be here now, so why don’t you know if he’s staying or not?”
I waited for her to tell them about my new way of dominating her but she never brought it up. Good, that’s between us and I want it to stay that way. Something only her and I shared.
I listened to the rest of their conversation, which had branched off into their other interests, but I kept the drone of their voices in the background as I got back to work.
I kept thinking about what Amelia said and couldn’t shake the idea that she might be onto something. The only question was why would anyone go to those lengths.
I’ll have to give it some more thought, but I put it out of my mind for now. Our relationship was moving onto a new phase.
These last few days I’ve been watching her, really watching her. To see if there was any change in her or if she was the same woman who’d given up on our marriage without a fight.
The conversation I’d just overheard went a long way to answering that question for me, though I’d been coming to the same conclusion myself.
I don’t think she would ever make that mistake again if I gave her another chance, and that brought me back to me. What did I want?
I knew I couldn’t live without her, but the truth is I don’t trust her, and I don’t know if or when that would change.
My feelings weren’t in question here, they never were. I never gave up on us, never would’ve in a million years.
If she’d ever lost her mind and cheated on me I would’ve made her pay, but I never would’ve given her up for anything, I loved her too much.
But had she loved me the same? The evidence says no. I could keep her and carry on the way we were now.
No real emotion except for when I break down and kiss her because I’d missed the taste of her lips. A cold existence where I keep my heart protected from her at all cost while we go through the motions?
But I don’t want that. I’m man enough to admit that I wanted what we had back, maybe with a little tweaking here and there on both our parts.
I want to wake up Xmas morning with her in my arms shaking with excitement because she wanted to rush down the stairs like a kid and see what I got her, but I always made her wait until after breakfast, to heighten the excitement of course.
I wanted that back as well as a lot of things we’d shared that I knew I would never find with anyone else, nor do I want to.
