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“Hey, Savvy,” I hear her on the phone saying. “Yeah, I just got back from the city.”
I take another sip, continuing to listen in.
“Yeah, the job’s there if I want it. I just need to figure out how I’m going to do it if I take it. I can’t stay here, it’s an almost three-hour drive. That’s way too much of a commute.”
There’s a deep pit forming in my heart.
She’s leaving.
She’s abandoning me.
“Yeah, I’m going to need to talk about it with him. I have no idea how he’ll take it. That’s the thing I’m afraid of.”
I made her afraid of me? I never wanted to hear that.
I never wanted to hurt her. To harm her. Yet somehow I did anyway.
I grip the glass bottle tighter. Why should I care so much? We both know what this was. It was a fling.
Lust. Not love. I’m not cut out for love, and I’m a damn fool for ever thinking that I was.
“I don’t know if I want to go. I’ve really enjoyed my time out here, Savvy. You and Hunter have been such kind hosts, and Bear... Bear’s meant the world to me.”
What the hell is she talking about?
“I just don’t know what to do with him. I think I love him. I want to say I know I love him. But he can’t get over his fears that he’s just going to be his father again. That he’s going to hurt me, that he’s going to make my life miserable, and to scar me for life.”
I sit up in my chair and stare down at my bottle.
“He’s too sweet to do any of those things. He’s not his father. Nothing about him doing such things is inevitable. But if he can’t see that, I can’t make him see it. I want to be here with him, but if he can’t come around, I can’t stay. If I’m going to be alone and unloved, I rather be alone, unloved, and paid.”
What do I do? The scenarios played out in my head: thinking she’s ungrateful, that she’s treating me like a doormat. I remember those words. Those are the words my father tried to feed me about my mother.
“I got a lot to think about. I’ll talk to you later, Savvy.”
They were all nonsense. And yet, despite all my pledges to not be him, here I am slipping into his mold.
I stopped myself though. I can be better than that. I can move on.
I need to adapt. Change.
Before I make a terrible mistake.
I set the bottle down.
The back door is cracked open, the whole reason I could hear her conversation so well. I step in, and see Char putting stuff away in the fridge.
“Charlene.” My voice is steadier, stronger than it’s been talking to her, for quite some time.
But I end up making her jump up out of her skin as she turns around to see me. “Bear! I didn’t think you were home.”
“My truck is in the garage. And I was on the back porch trying to make a horrible mistake. I failed.”
“Uh, glad you did?”
I cross my arms. “So you’re leaving, huh?”
“You overheard my conversation with Savvy?”
