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I ponder her words, the idea of evolving rather than failing. It's a perspective I hadn't allowed myself to consider, always comparing my current state to my past.
"How can I start to believe that?" I ask, genuinely curious. "How do I start to see this 'evolution?'"
"Start by acknowledging every small victory," she suggests warmly. "Every day you're healing, making decisions that contribute to your well-being, and showing love to those around you. These are signs of strength, not failure."
Her encouragement sparks a kind of warmth in my chest. Maybe she's right. Maybe I've been too hard on myself, focusing only on the losses rather than the gains.
"And what about my Timmy? How do I... how do I make sure I'm there for him through all of this?" The worry for my child is always lurking, adding weight to my shoulders.
"Communicate with him, share with him that everyone faces challenges, but it's how we overcome them that matters. Show him that it's okay to be vulnerable. It's a powerful lesson for him to learn resilience through your recovery."
The thought of turning my struggles into lessons for my son brings a flicker of hope. Maybe my fears and my recovery can help sculpt him into a compassionate and understanding individual.
"Thank you, Sarah," I say, feeling a sense of relief washing over me for the first time in what feels like forever. "This... talking, it's helping more than I thought it would."
She smiles, her presence a steady, calming force. "I'm here to support you, Tyler. Through the ups and downs. Again, you're not alone in this."
Our session continues, each question she poses guiding me gently towards a deeper understanding of my emotional landscape and how I can maneuver through it with a new sense of resilience.
With each answer, I feel a piece of the burden lifting, replaced by a growing belief that maybe, just maybe, I can emerge from this stronger than before.
The therapy session ended fifteen minutes ago, and I've just been sitting on the porch outside of the office with Sarah since then.
She’d closed up the office since I had been her last client of the day, and we decided to enjoy the nice breeze outside. I think Sarah could see this session was kind of heavy on me so she wanted to make sure that I was okay.
It's peaceful here, the kind of peace I've been yearning for but seemed just out of reach. Sitting here, with the day winding down, I can't help but bring up something that's been gnawing at me.
"Sarah, if you could suggest some exercises for someone who's feeling anger at times, or hopelessness, what exercises would you suggest?" I ask, hoping for some useful advice I can cling to.
"For anger, one effective exercise is physical activity. It could be anything from a brisk walk to a session of hitting a punching bag," she begins, her voice as calming as the breeze. "Physical activity helps by releasing endorphins, I'm sure you know, which can improve mood and reduce anger."
She pauses, probably to gauge my reaction, and continues, "For moments when you're feeling hopeless, I recommend practicing gratitude. It might sound simple, but writing down three things you're grateful for each day can significantly shift your perspective. It helps by drawing your attention away from the negative thoughts and focusing on the positive aspects of your life."
I nod, absorbing her suggestions. The idea of converting my anger into something physical, something I can control, feels empowering. And gratitude, well, that's something I've overlooked for too long.
It makes sense, as bull riding used to always help melt the stress right off me and why now I'm more wound up than usual ever since my injury.
"And there's another exercise for both feelings—meditation. It might seem intimidating at first, but even just a few minutes a day can help increase self-awareness and bring about a sense of peace and stability. It teaches you to observe your emotions without getting overwhelmed by them."
I can see the passion in her eyes as she speaks. It's clear she believes in these methods, not just as a professional but on a personal level too. I can also see that she's worried about me and hoping that I use one or all of the exercises if I'm feeling like the negative emotions are affecting me too heavily.
"Thank you," I say, feeling a surge of hope. Maybe these exercises are the tools I need to help me through this storm.
She smiles warmly. "Remember, it's about taking one day at a time. Be patient with yourself."
I scoot over and wrap my arm around Sarah's shoulders, pulling her close as we sit together on the step. I lean in and plant a soft kiss on her head, just a quiet way to say how much I appreciate her. "Thank you," I whisper, really meaning it.
I’m feeling so grateful for this woman, and glad that I allowed myself to be pressured into attending therapy for my emotional state once I moved to Pine Creek. Fate definitely brought us together.
Chapter 12
Sarah
Emotional Confessions
It's my off day, and I've got plans to spend it with Tyler, maybe a walk by the creek or a picnic in the meadow.
But as I knock on his door with a box of homemade muffins in my hands, Mrs. Carolyn answers, her expression drawn with worry.
