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“I came…” to tell you I love you. The words were on the tip of my tongue and my heart ached to tell him, but I couldn’t. If our friendship had proven one thing to me, it was that Red didn’t see me that way. Not the way I saw him.
But who could blame him? Or me? Where he was larger than life and so handsome it hurt to look at him, I was not. I was the opposite of him in every way. Short to his tall. Dark to his light. Hopeless romantic to his jadedness. It’s why I’d made a decision. I’d been waiting for him to see me as more than a buddy for what felt like a lifetime.
But I couldn’t live my life on hold. Not anymore. The clock was ticking against me, and I was done waiting around for him to see me as something more than his best friend.
“I wanted to tell you in person, I’ve decided I’m going to be a mom.” My voice shook, but I found the courage to keep talking. There had been too many times in our life when I’d swallowed the words to keep us in the safe friend zone. But the truth was I’d loved Red Bridges since I’d bumped into him in a chem lab.
He’d been so big and tall even then. Solid. Like you could hold on to him, and he’d keep you safe no matter what the weather or storm life tossed your way. His blue eyes spoke to my heart and soul.
“Bug, you just haven’t met the right guy.”
“I did,” I cut him off because it was time. “I met him.” I’m looking at him.
“Kait—"
“He didn’t want me.” I forced my chin to stay upward despite the way it and my lips wobbled. “And that’s okay. He’s my best friend.” I cleared my throat. I had no idea why I was surprised by his lack of a reaction.
I’d just confessed my love, the way I’d been waiting and holding out for him to finally see me. To love me. But his expression was blank because he’d known. He’d always known. I wasn’t a poker player for a reason. No matter how hard I tried, every single emotion always played out on my face.
But I had to keep living my life.
I couldn’t keep waiting for a man who, by the looks of it, had known how I felt and couldn’t see me as anything more than a friend.
“Anyhow.” I faked a smile. “I wanted you to know. I love you. I’ve loved you?—"
“Honey, you know I—" I shook my head because if he told me he loved me like a friend, I’d die of embarrassment.Hell, I was close to doing that already.
“I love you more than a friend. I haven’t… I haven’t tried to date anyone, not seriously, because I thought maybe one day…” My vice drifted off to nothing.
It was silly. I just had to spit it out.
“Because of how I felt about you, I didn’t date, not really. The guys I was set up with, they never measured up because I always compared them to you.” I pushed my thick-framed glasses up my nose,ignoring the way my eyes burned with unshed tears.
Tears I’d do anything to hold back because he might not feel the same way, but I knew Red. He hated to see me cry.
“I came to tell you that even though that part of my life didn’t work out, I wasn’t going to let it stop me from having a family.”
“Bug—"
“Please stop calling me that,” I gritted, and he looked even more confused.
“Why? That’s?—"
“I hate it,” I clipped. “I get it. I look like a bookworm, or I have bug eyes because of my glasses!” I snapped. I hated how oblivious he’d been to how he felt about me. How much time I’d wasted because I’d thought maybe, just maybe, there was a chance of something between us. The hope in my heart that one day, he’d see me in a new light.
Stupid, silly hope.
When he’d started working at the high school with me, I thought we got closer, but the moment he was offered an assistant coaching position at the university, he took it in a heartbeat. I understood why. It gave him purpose on a level higher than coaching at our local little high school.
He’d made sure to keep in touch when he left, so we spoke on a daily basis. And maybe that was why I’d held on to my feelings. The silly little dreams in my heart that let me believe there was a chance.
“Kaitlyn—"
“I’ve seen a fertility specialist. I just came to tell you in person. I’m doing this,” I shared. I had expected his confusion but never in a million years the pissed-off look that covered the indifferent mask from just a second ago.
“Why? Why are you messing up?—"
“What am I messing up?”I cut him off, slightly hurt by his reaction.
