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Shit, I hope it fits.
The dress has a lace sweetheart neckline, with long, off-the-shoulder sleeves. The skirt spills down into an A-line shape with a short train. Our Western-themed ranch wedding has been planned out to perfection over the last six months.
“I’m going to be a mom,” I whisper to myself.
My eyes water as the words wash over me. I didn’t even realize my period was late until it had been two weeks. My breasts are already swollen and tender.
“There should be an online forum where we can review birth control pills. Zero out of ten stars.” I fling the pack into the trash.
I walk out of the bathroom and go downstairs to start making the chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes I had planned for dinner. Holden insists on continuing to pay me to work on the ranch, even after we get married. He proposed only ten months after we started dating, and I wanted a spring wedding. Everything has been perfect—almost too perfect.
I wanted us to experience marriage for a while before adding a baby to the mix. I know Holden will be an amazing dad. We want to be parents, but everything that happened with my father has given me a lot of anxiety about the prospect of starting a family.
“Hey, lovely.” Dolly walks into the kitchen with a cheerful smile, holding a bouquet of wildflowers.
She pulls out a vase from the cabinet and fills it with water.
“Hi,” I say with a weak smile.
“What’s wrong?” she asks with a frown.
I shrug. “I’m not feeling so good today.”
My stomach is queasy. When I pull the steak from the fridge to tenderize it, the smell of the raw meat causes bile to rise inside of me. I barely make it to the trash can before throwing up my lunch.
“Rosie, holy shit. Go lie down! I’ll take care of this.” Dolly ushers me out of the kitchen.
I heed her advice, collapsing onto my and Holden’s bed. I tap on my phone screen for the office number to my doctor. After making the appointment, I close my eyes and let the tears fall.
After my mother’s time in rehab, my father’s arrest, and their finalization of the divorce, she’s been a different person. She sold their old house and bought something smaller outside of town on some acreage. She travels a lot, but we never go longer than a few days without talking.
She squeezes my hand while we wait for the doctor. “Do you need some water, honey?”
I shake my head, feeling like I might throw up again. This morning sickness has been hell for the past two weeks. After the second day, Dolly caught on to what was going on. I begged her not to tell Holden, not until I could see the doctor and confirm the pregnancy. My sickness has mostly been confined to times when he’s out working the ranch, which has kept him busy every morning when I’m throwing up.
Dolly grins at me, eyeing my stomach. She can’t even hide her excitement despite my physical misery. I’m warming up to the idea of motherhood, but my emotions are a complete roller coaster. I feel guilty for hiding it from Holden, but he’s in such a happy love bubble that I just can’t bring myself to burst it. We both agreed to wait a while for kids.
A knock sounds at the door, and a nurse walks in. “Hello, I’m the sonographer. I’m just going to get you set up and do a quick scan, and then your doctor will be in.”
I nod. She squeezes cold jelly onto my lower stomach before pressing the sonogram tool up to my skin.
“If you’re only about seven or eight weeks, we might not be able to see much. We’ll still listen for the heartbeat,” she says.
After she squishes the tool around for a few seconds, I start to get anxious. It just looks like black and gray static inside a big circle. I glance up at my mother’s face as she studies the screen.
“Is that …” she asks.
The nurse smiles. “Yes, that’s the baby.”
Immediately, a heartbeat sound fills the room. Dizziness overwhelms me.
That’s my baby.
A sweeping sense of excitement and awe fills my chest. The invisible but palpable connection makes me catch my breath.
“That’s my baby …” I whisper.
Dolly claps excitedly, tears streaming down her face. “I’m an auntie!”
