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I hated fighting for more free time. My team always had a way of making me do what they wanted. I needed to speak up for myself, and I was starting to think that maybe I was too late to change that.
How do I change who I’ve been all of my career?
Robert wouldn’t drop the subject. Especially now that my career was on fire. From his point of view, it made sense for me to do everything I was asked to if they thought it would advance my career. My whole life seemed to be based onwhat-ifs.
If I got that role…
If I shot that cover…
If I did that interview…
If I wore this or that.
If I go here or there.
If I… if I… if I…
The endless number of ifs had no certainties attached to them whatsoever. No one understood what it was like to be me.
Not my father.
Not Robert.
Not even Aires.
Sometimes it felt as if I didn’t even know what it was like to be me. I’d been so many different people for so long, and I wasn’t referring to all the roles I’d played over the years.
“Oh, don’t give me that, Bailey! You never turn down a role we tell you is made for you. Nice try.”
It was true. He was right.
“Give me more credit than that. Look at you.” He gestured to me as I stood back in front of him. “You’re in your prime, and you’re not getting any younger. You need to strike while the iron is hot!”
“I know that. Don’t you think I know that? I think about it every second of every day, and it’s mainly from you guys constantly reminding me about it.”
I hated that we were arguing, seeing as though I couldn’t just tell him the truth about Aires and what he always meant to me. He wouldn’t understand. I barely understood. He’d tell me Aires wasn’t right for me. He’d dig into our history, and there was no way the press wouldn’t pick us apart.
My whole life would be turned upside down for a future I knew nothing about. A life we may not have together.
I couldn’t do that.
I worked too hard to get where I was, and I wasn’t ready to possibly ruin my career.
Robert sighed, getting frustrated with me. “Alright, I’ll play it your way. I’ll just move on to the next reasons you need to play this role.”
“Oh goody,” I mocked, smiling. “I can’t wait.”
“Bailey,” he coaxed in that fatherly tone I hated as well. “You want to disappoint your fans?”
I rolled my eyes, not backing down. If I did, I’d lose him.
Aires.
“Please don’t act like a child.”
I wasn’t a child.
I’d never been a child.
