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Guiltily, he lets out a sigh and allows his big shoulders to slump. “Look, I need time. I know—”
“You promised me,” I repeat. “Why would you do that? Is it because you wanted to fuck me again?”
“Julia, I would never—”
“Because it’s beneath you to do whatever it takes to fuck someone you want,” I challenge mordantly.
He blinks through the silence, swallowing hard because he knows he has no legs to stand on. Then he mutters, “I know it isn’t fair to you, but I’m asking you to cut me a break.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No. I know it’s a word you’re not used to hearing, but it’s one I’ve gotten exceptionally good at saying over the years. No. I don’t owe you anything, Gus Winter,” I tell him slowly. “You harassed me. You extorted my family. You demanded my body. I forgave all of it. I don’t owe you anything.”
He lets out a measured breath. “You don’t. I know. But we can’t deny that whatever exists between us is electric, Julia. It’s the most exciting thing I’ve felt…maybe ever.” He leans closer and puts his hands on my cheeks. “Please,” he murmurs before he kisses my forehead. “Please, give me a chance.”
He kisses me repeatedly, on my forehead, my cheeks, until his lips find mine. I want him. I want to melt into him and be his in every way possible because it feels so good. But it’s not enough.
“Stop,” I demand. I wrench my face from his hands. “Fuck, Paris.”
Immediately, Gus pulls back from me and I take the opportunity to rise from the bed.
His expression is contrite. “Julia—”
“You can’t do that,” I protest, clutching my arms in front of me. “You can’t kiss me and make this go away. It can’t just be about sex. There needs to be more. Every time you try to distract me with how well we match physically, we’re making it harder to learn anything about each other.”
He shakes his head, visibly frustrated. “You’ve locked on one thing. Ask me anything else. Anything else and I’ll tell you.”
“Do you want me?” I demand.
“Yes.” His tone is heavy with exasperation. “Yes, Julia. I want you. I want you so much. It’s all consuming and crazy and I know better than to act like this, but I can’t get you out of my head. So please, give this a chance. Give me time.”
I want to say yes, but I already have given this a chance.
And he broke his promise.
When he holds out his hand, I take it. I move back onto the bed and allow him to draw me into his arms, spooning me. His lips trace my ear and my neck, but I don’t stir. I don’t move a muscle.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs into my ear.
I don’t answer him.
Fuck the last word. This time, he gets silence.
We stay locked together. Eventually, his breathing deepens.
When I’m sure he’s asleep, I slide out of his arms and take one last lingering look at him, thinking about what we could have been.
As quietly as I can, I pack.
Chapter 20: Gus
When I awaken and find the bed empty, I don’t blame her for leaving. I had it coming.
Groaning, I put my hands over my face and rub stubble that needs trimming. My head aches softly between my temples and my throat is tight. Rarely do I ever feel forty, but I do today. Sharing parts of myself has apparently taken years off my life, and I did the bare minimum.
It’s not about me though. It’s about her—and I broke a promise to her.
