AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My heart is pounding, skipping, and nothing feels right. But then I realize she’s rubbing her hand on my back in a soft, reassuring caress.
“Grandma and grandpa were poor,” I go on, finding the words easier to say with the comfort of her touch. “Food banks. Living without power every now and then. It was…well, it was what it was.”
“That sounds so hard.” She releases my hand and moves her arm around my back. She’s holding me now—practically hugging me while we sway.
“Taught me a lot,” I admit. “I started working when I was twelve, mowing lawns, walking dogs, and picking up groceries. Every dime I had went to them.”
“That’s selfless, August. I bet they were proud of who you became,” she offers. “I know I would be.”
Her approval shouldn’t mean anything to me. Over the years, I’ve received approval and accolades from every facet of society. And yet pride swells in my chest when it comes from Julia.
“They never saw it,” I murmur. “Grandma died when I was fifteen. Grandpa went when I was nineteen. At least he got to see me get into MIT, but neither of them knew I was going to become…me.”
“Maybe they did know,” she offers, shifting her head on my shoulder, relaxing even more. “I bet they knew you would do something astounding with your life.”
Her words leave me speechless, but luckily the sounds of the crackling fire keep my silence from being too noticeable. It’s the sincerest thing I’ve ever heard her say, and it leaves me unsteady.
“My father felt that way about me once,” she continues. “When we were younger, I was always the one he gravitated towards. I was smarter than my brothers. Quicker. More competitive. Then…I don’t know. When I was a teenager, I was pretty enough for people to make a big deal about it. Davis started getting serious about the business at the same time. After that, my father lowered his expectations of me, I think. He stopped noticing me altogether.”
“That’s the kiss of death,” I mutter. “Underestimating you.”
“I haven’t proved him wrong yet.”
“You could if you wanted to.”
It’s Julia’s turn to be quiet. Her hand stops moving like my words have frozen her in place.
“I need to apologize. Again,” I mention.
Quietly, she nods. No sass, no sarcasm, no righteous indignation. She’s listening.
“I feel horrible about this morning. I made that comment about you not being motherly and it wasn’t fair. I just have these hang-ups. Now that you know my mom left, not to mention…” I trail off, refusing to mention Constance. I can’t. I won’t. “I’m sorry, Julia.”
She nods again. “I know I’m not what most people would consider traditional. I do want kids though.”
I nod too. “Same. One day.”
“It’s hard to find the right person though, isn’t it?” She pulls back and stares up at me. “I know I have plenty of time, but it doesn’t stop me from wondering where the hell he is.”
“Who?”
“The perfect man for me. Some days, I wonder if he even exists.” She shrugs. “He may not. Then I’ll have to settle for someone who could have been another person’s perfect man, but ended up with me instead. That’s scary, isn’t it?”
I don’t know who that man is, but an indescribable pang of jealousy tears through me—and I’ve never been a jealous person. The thought of someone confiding in Julia and holding her like this…. No man deserves it. Nobody is worthy of it.
“It’s why I don’t believe in love. My mom left my dad, and I—” I stop speaking when I realize I’m on the verge of mentioning Constance again.
“You don’t believe in love?” She halts the sway of her body almost immediately. “I thought you wanted kids.”
“I want a family, but love can’t be an impediment. The person I build a family with is going to be a person who I can trust. They support me, and I support them. That’s what I’m looking for.”
“Like a business deal,” she concludes flatly, frowning. “You don’t want to marry for love, you want to marry for synergies.”
She understands it, but her indignation confuses me. “You don’t want someone who understands your philosophy and how you approach the world? I can’t imagine starting a family with someone who doesn’t.”
“I want all of it,” she answers, raising her shoulders. “A husband and, like, five kids if we can manage. Yes, he should understand me and support me the same way I understand and support him, but I also want my husband to check all my boxes. Sex. Affection. I want someone who loves me so much, he can’t sleep at night, who would move the moon if I asked him to. I deserve that.”
I raise a shoulder. “It’s hard to find someone who checks every box.”
